DAMN...That Kid's Funny!

Happy Easter!

2011-04-26T23:07:00.000-04:00

OK..so it's been over six months since our last post, but let's face it: Facebook is taking over the world and there's just not much room for blogs anymore. That said, I'm pleased to present this year's Easter scavenger hunt in vibrant, living color. Enjoy! :-)

Pre-K, Baby!!

2010-09-05T20:35:00.000-04:00

It's official! The Moo is now in Pre-K! Hard to believe, I know, but here's the proof! :-)

FYI...this video comes with my standard annual disclaimer that I apologize for once again using the same piece of music for the "school's back in session" video. It's just too great a song for the occasion!

Pimpin' Ain't Easy!

2010-04-21T09:27:00.000-04:00

Got this in an e-mail from Chris's teacher the other day, and it was too hilarious not to share:

Last week, the Assistant Principal came into my room to observe me and my students. The kids were all already at their various math stations, so she just sat in a chair in the vicinity of a couple groups to watch. Chris turned and saw her sitting a little chair, leaned over to her and said, "What's your name, sugar?" LOL!!!!! She could NOT stop laughing! We both thought it was so super funny! I thought I might get a really good review from her for teaching pick-up lines anyway! :)

HA! Turns out the little guy is a PIMP! Way to go, buddy! :-)

Happy 4th, Moo!

2010-04-13T10:49:00.000-04:00

Today is The Moo's fourth birthday! It's incredible for me to think that it's already been four years since our little monkey came along...kinda' makes me feel old. Still, what an amazing four years it's been!

We love you buddy!! :-)

Happy Easter - 2010

2010-04-05T10:25:00.000-04:00

HAPPY EASTER everyone! Here's a (not-so-quick) video of the boys' egg hunt yesterday morning. Enjoy!

P90X (Or, "Getting My Ass Kicked by Tony Horton")

2009-11-02T09:40:00.002-05:00

So today I started on the vaunted P90X workout program. I have to admit that I'm usually HIGHLY skeptical of anything that I've seen on an informercial, but that stupid thing sucked me in immediately and never let go. I wasn't sure that I believed the TV hype, so I sent out a Facebook message a few weeks ago asking about people's experience with the program.

The responses were immediate and overwhelmingly positive. The most common response..."It totally kicked my ass, and I was exhausted after the workouts. But it WORKED!"

Fast-forward to a few weeks later, and I now have my very own - very borrowed - copy of the program (thanks Tim and Alyson!). I've finally read through all of the pre-work and the diet plan, and I've set myself up for success by getting most of the necessary items (skipped the protein bars and powders for now, but we'll see...).

Today was my first workout, and I'm here to tell you that Tony Horton WILL kick your ass! WOW! The first workout is chest and back, and consists of 12 different exercises performed twice. You run through the first set, then do the same exercises again in a different order. By the end of the first, I was almost completely exhausted and was absolutely dripping with sweat. My arms hurt, I was breathing insanely hard, and I thought I was going to barf. Then I had to go through it all AGAIN! I persevered, but there was no way that I was going to be able to keep up with the insane pace the guys (and gal!) on screen were keeping. Still, I made it through the first workout alive, and was pretty psyched for tomorrow...until I realized that there was still a 15-minute ab workout to do.

Are you kidding me? I may drop dead here on the floor, and you want me to do MORE? Alright, fine...but I'm NOT happy about it. Needless to say, the Ab Ripper X workout continued Tony Horton's (that's the host, by the way) butt-kicking. In the end, I was completely spent, and I actually ended up loving it.

We'll see how the rest of the program progresses, but if it's always this intense, I'm hoping to be ripped by next spring. BRING IT!

Bicentennial Quarters

2009-10-31T09:50:00.002-04:00

So yesterday was ice cream day in Chris's class, and I had to dig up 50 cents for his weekly ice cream ration. I pulled out a couple of quarters, and realized that one of them was the 1976 Bicentennial Quarter. These quarters have always kind of had a special place in my heart, though I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because they're from my birth year, or maybe I just thought the dude drumming on the back of the quarter was cool. Regardless, I thought I'd share my excitement with Chris.

I walked into the kitchen and said, "Look at this! This quarter was made in 1976! That means it's as old as I am...cool!" Chris got super excited for some reason, and said "OK...THAT is REALLY interesting!"

This may fall under the category of "you had to be there for it to be cute," but I'm telling you...it was hilarious!

I'm Ready to Play!

2009-10-16T13:17:00.003-04:00

Oops! Just realized I hadn't posted this one yet, either. Enjoy! :-)

Splish Splash!

2009-10-16T12:19:00.002-04:00

Ohmygosh! I can't believe I forgot to post this video of Tyler's first bath. Too cute! :-)

First Monthly Appointment!

2009-10-16T12:13:00.002-04:00

It's hard to believe it's already been a month since Tyler made his grand arrival, but here we are... So far, so good. He's growing like a little weed, and the cardiologist says his heart rate is doing great thanks to the medications we've got him on. We don't have to go back to see the cardiologist again until the three-month mark, so we're seeing that as a good thing.

We had Tyler's first monthly appointment with the pediatrician this morning, and it went great! He's 8 pounds, 15 ounces (amazingly enough, the same size Chris was at BIRTH!), and is just a shade over 20 inches long, which puts him in the 25th percentile for both height and weight. That should pick up quickly now that he's really starting to be a food hog.

Keep your eyes peeled for new pictures...we hit Portrait Innovations yesterday, and I'm planning to upload the CD full of photos sometime today. I've gotta' say, the folks at Portrait Innovations are absolutely incredible! Matthew is generally averse to having ANYONE take his picture, let alone complete strangers. Something about their crew, though, got him to open up and smile, and the pictures are amazing! :-)

That's all for now...

Welcome to the World, Baby Tyler!

2009-09-28T16:16:00.002-04:00

OK...I should have posted this on September 12th, but I was a bit busy:

It’s with more excitement that I can even begin to communicate via e-mail that I make the following announcement: Tyler Sloan Johnston was born yesterday morning, Saturday, September 12th, at 6:40 AM. He weighs 7 pounds, 8 ½ ounces, and is 21 inches long. That’s the awesome news. The funky/not-so-great news, though, is that he spent all of yesterday in the ICU with an irregular heart rate. Not to worry, though…there’s a light at the end of that tunnel. Here’s a quick recap in case you’re not up to speed:

Saturday
2:30 AM – Holly wakes me up to tell me that her water has broken
3:25 – We meet my mom and dad at the hospital, and pass the boys off to them
4:00 – 5:15 – Various tests, etc., to determine whether Holly’s water had, in fact, broken. The tests all came back negative, but the fetal heart rate monitor indicated a wildly varying heart rate (bouncing from 120 BPM to 250 BPM). The nurses called in the on-call physician, who verified via ultrasound that Holly’s water had, in fact, broken, and that there was no more amniotic fluid at all. She decided, therefore, that it was time to get Tyler out.
5:15 – Since there was so much confusion about the heart rates, the neonatologist was called in for a consult. The question being posed was whether we should go ahead and deliver at Northside Forsyth, or if we should head to Atlanta instead since they have a larger NICU. He decided that we’d be OK here, but that Tyler would most likely have to spend a day or so in the NICU for observation. Here’s the kicker…
5:30 – The anesthesiologist arrives for placement of the epidural in preparation for a 6:15 C-Section! Incredibly, we were slated for surgery less than 4 hours after Holly’s water broke!!
6:40 – Tyler is born. He weighs 7 pounds, 8 ½ ounces, and is 21 inches long. Aside from the funky heart rhythm, he’s perfectly healthy and completely adorable.
7:30 – Tyler is admitted into the NICU for observation, and is quickly diagnosed with SupraVentricular Tachycardia (Google it!), which essentially knocks the rhythm of the heart out of whack and causes it to spike unnaturally (hence the bounce from 120 to 250 and back). They put him on an IV drug to control the severity of it, and (ideally, anyway), to bring order out of the chaos. They also give him a tube in his mouth to provide an oral version of a similar drug. The idea there was to wean him off of the IV drug so that he could be treated via oral meds.

Fast-Forward to Saturday Night
6:00 – The meds aren’t doing their job, and Tyler’s heartbeat is still fluctuating wildly. The neonatologist and cardiologist decide that Tyler would be better-treated at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta…about 40 miles from here. OUCH!
7:30 – The final decision to transfer Tyler is made.
9:15 – The transfer team arrives and moves Tyler into a really cool transfer carrier (check out the picture). They take him downtown, and my mom and I follow.
11:30 – Tyler is officially admitted to the hospital, and is set up in the CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit). They set Tyler up on a strong IV drip in conjunction with the oral meds. During this visit I actually get to HOLD Tyler, which is about the greatest experience of all! Finally, we’re exhausted and head back home to Forsyth for some much-needed sleep.

Sunday
11:00 AM – I talk with the head nurse at Tyler’s new hospital, who fills me in on the night’s progress. His heart rate has stabilized, and they’re turning down the flow on his IV from 300 (of whatever unit of measure they’re using) to 200, with plans to be at 150 by 12:30. They’ve also taken him off of his oxygen. This is about the best news we’ve heard since 6:40 Saturday!
2:30 PM – I talk with the head nurse again, who tells me that Tyler is down to 50 on his IV, and they’re planning to have him completely off by 3:15. SWEET! The nurse also tells me that Tyler is watching football. “He told me that he wanted to watch the Falcons play the Dolphins, so I had to let him!” Loving this nurse at this point!
10:00 PM – Mom, Dad, and I take the boys down to the hospital for a quick visit. The boys aren’t actually allowed into the CICU right now, though, because of flu concerns. Bummer, but Tyler’s doing great, and is completely adorable.

That’s the latest for now. They’re hoping to have Tyler out of the CICU and into the Step-Down Nursery sometime today, and we’re planning to take Holly home sometime tomorrow. Holly and I can visit down there any time, and we’ll have classes with the nursing staff on how to take care of Tyler after we take him home. We’ll probably have to take CPR classes (we had to with Matthew since he was in the ICU…I think this is standard operating procedure), as well as classes on how to recognize SVT if he spikes in the future. He’ll most likely have to be on oral medications for the next six months to a year, but his long-term prognosis is excellent, and they say he’ll be perfectly healthy. PHEW!

Sorry for this being the world’s longest post, but I thought it’d be best to get all of the details out there in case you were curious. A HUGE thank-you to everyone who’s called, stopped by, sent text messages and/or Facebook messages, and generally been wonderfully supportive this weekend. We truly appreciate the incredible outpouring of love and support, and can’t wait to introduce Tyler to all of you soon!

Home Stretch, Baby!

2009-09-10T07:35:00.002-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD:

You're 37 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby is about 21 inches from head to toe and weighs almost 6.5 pounds. Pregnancy is getting rounded every day, and skin is getting pinker and losing its wrinkly appearance. Your baby's head is usually positioned down into the pelvis by now. Your uterus may stay the same size as it was for the last week or two. Your weight gain should be about as high as it will go, about 25 to 35 pounds. About this time, your doctor might perform a pelvic exam to help judge the progress of your pregnancy.

HA! Though we're officially considered to be in the "home stretch" at this point (2 weeks from yesterday!!), the last statement here cracks me up. Not because it's not accurate, mind you...it's just that the idea that Holly would progress anywhere close to someting approximating labor is hilarious.

Chris basically held on to the umbillical cord for dear life, and Matthew showed absolutely NO signs of wanting to be born on time. Those experiences prompted our doctor to tell Holly, "I'm not even going to bother with the exams for the next couple of weeks unless you really feel like something's happening. Otherwise, all we're doing is making you uncomfortable." Now, THAT'S a great doctor! :-)

Two more weeks 'til Tyler's here!!!!!

Busy Bees...

2009-09-10T07:31:00.002-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD:

You're 36 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 20.7 inches from head to toe and weighs about 6 pounds. The baby may drop lower in your abdomen, usually assuming the head-down position. You're in the home stretch; after this week, you'll be seeing your doctor weekly. You may be alternating between feeling exhausted and having extra bursts of energy.

This last statement could hardly be more true. It's amazing to me that Holly can go from cleaning everything in sight and buzzing around the house like a demented bee (it's early...that's the best I've got!) to completely crashed in about 3 seconds. On the positive side, our house is getting VERY clean! The only negative side effect is that I'm starting to nest, too. So far, I've added a ceiling fan to our guest room, redone the guest bathroom, and painted my office/desk. Who knows what'll come next?

Just Breathe...

2009-09-10T07:28:00.002-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD:

You're 35 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 20.25 inches from head to toe and weighs more than 5.5 pounds. Lungs are almost fully developed, but if born now the baby would probably be put in an incubator. It still doesn't have enough fat deposits beneath its skin to keep warm outside your womb. Your uterus is about six inches above your navel. By now your weight gain is probably between 24 and 29 pounds. Discomfort and sleeping problems are common around this time. It won't be too much longer.

It's hard to believe that our little guy is almost done "cooking." Even more amazing is that, if he were born today, he'd be OK and ready to go. Can't wait to meet him!!!

The...Penis on the Bus?!?!?

2009-08-20T01:26:00.002-04:00

Chalk this one up to another proud moment for fathers everywhere...

This afternoon, Chris got off the bus and told me that the bus driver wanted to talk to me. I eyed him suspiciously (Chris, that is...not the driver), and asked him if he was in trouble. Naturally, he assured me that he had been a perfect angel all the way home, and that he couldn't possibly be in trouble...HA!

After all of the kids had climbed off of the bus, I warily approached to chat with the driver. He leans down close so that he's out of ear shot of the kids in the front seat, and says to me, "He (meaning Chris) was yelling 'PENIS' pretty loudly on the way home. I thought I'd let you take care of that one."

NICE, CHRIS! Obviously, we cornered him to see exactly what the heck he was thinking. Thinking quickly and blaming the powers of peer pressure, Chris assured us that yelling out "PENIS!" on the bus had been the brain child of some other kid named Gabe. We told him that, of course, yelling "PENIS!" on the bus is completely unacceptable, and that if anyone tells him that he should do it again, he is to tell them that it's inappropriate, and that he won't be doing it.

This CLEARLY falls into the category of "I need to yell at my kid, but I can barely keep a straight face while I'm doing it." They NEVER tell you that you're going to have to deal with things like this as a parent...consider yourself warned! :-)

Getting Closer Every Week!

2009-08-14T14:36:00.003-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

Congratulations, Holly! You're 33 weeks pregnant! Your baby measures about 19.4 inches from head to toe and weighs about 4.4 pounds. In the next few weeks, your baby will be growing rapidly. He will gain more than half his birth weight in the next
seven weeks. Baby begins to move less now as he runs our of room and curls up with knees bent, chin resting on chest, and arms and legs crossed. Of the pound a week you're gaining now, roughly half is going to your baby.

Sorry...no witty comments this week. It's been a long week with Chris as school, and waking up at 6:00 AM has sapped my creative spirit a little bit. Maybe next time... :-)

Kindergarten: Let's Get It Started!

2009-08-10T11:12:00.003-04:00

OK, OK, OK...I know this is basically a re-hash of the Pre-K video, just with up-to-date video and pictures, but the music is just too perfect NOT to use again! In fact, I think I may start using the same music every year for the beginning of school. This is mostly because I'm lazy, but also because - once again - the music is just too perfect!

That said, Holly and I officially have a kindergartener in the house! Chris started his first day at Chestatee Elementary this morning at 7:50. What? You think THAT'S early?!? HA! How about THIS?!? His school bus gets to the stop at about 6:45! YOWZA! We woke up at 6:00 this morning to have a little bit of breakfast, then cruised on up to the bus stop. We were lucky this morning to have Annie with us, which made the day all the more special. We've been seeing Annie and Hope off to school for 14 years now, and having her here was a really cool continuation of that tradition since we weren't able to see Hope off to her first day of her senior year (!!).

All in all, it went pretty smoothly. Matthew even woke up (mostly) for the trip to the bus stop - even if he DID cling to me most of the way there and back. :-) The bus finally showed at about 6:55, and the kids climbed aboard with a minimum of fuss. There was some slight jostling about for seats, etc., and then the bus was on its way.

The funny thing? No one cried... I guess we've just been steeling ourselves to the moment for so long that we were excited rather than emotional. Still, it's a pretty cool thing to know that Holly and I have raised such an incredible kid, and that he's off to school on the next big journey of his life. We can't wait for The Moo to start Pre-K next fall...WOW! We're getting OLD! :-)

The Great Outdoors

2009-08-10T10:44:00.010-04:00

So last week, the boys and I decided that it would be fun to camp out in our front yard. Actually, our next door neighbor suggested that a campout with him and his little girl would be fun, but he ultimately ended up bailing out (sucker!). So...

...on Thursday afternoon the boys and I set out to pitch our tent in the front yard, and immediatedly called in friend reinforcements for a great time in the great outdoors. Chris's friend Griffin joined us for the festivities, and we couldn't have had more fun! The boys played in the yard until about 10:45, then we hit the tent for some shut-eye...yeah, right! Ever tried to get two five-year-olds and a three-year-old to go to sleep when YOU want them to? IMPOSSIBLE!

Instead, the boys decided they'd take turns telling scary stories. Chris (of course) started off with the tale of a witch who had lost her powers, and was searching all over for a new source of power (no idea where this came from!). Naturally, he had a flashlight under his chin, and ended all sentences with long, drawn-out woooooorrrrrddddsss...oooooohhhhh! Spoooooky! When he was done, he passed the light to Griffin, and the stories continued.

At about 11:30, we heard a strange growling coming from outside the tent. Needless to say, the boys were pretty freaked out, and all huddled against the side of the tent to see what was going on. The growling continued, and grew in both volume and ferocity, until... I shined the light outside to reveal that our neighbor, Alan (the one who bailed on us!) was the culprit! Sneakly little monkey, that Alan...

Anyway, the boys got a great kick out their little scare, and immediately incorporated the "bear" into the scary stories. I'm pretty sure I passed out somewhere in the middle of story time, but woke up at about 12:15 to find myself surrounded by conked-out kiddos. Needless to say, a great time was had by all...even if we WERE exhausted the next day!

You can check out more pictures from the evening by clicking here. Enjoy!

2009-08-10T10:35:00.002-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD:

Congratulations, Holly! You're 32 weeks pregnant! Your baby measures about 18.9 inches long from head to toe and weighs almost 4 pounds. It fills almost all the space in your uterus now. A layer of fat is forming under the thin, wrinkly skin. Baby's practicing opening his eyes and breathing. Most internal systems are well developed, but the lungs may still be immature.

We're getting closer and closer every day, and it seems like Tyler just keeps getting bigger and bigger. This note cracked me up because of the layer of fat that's forming under his "wrinkly skin." Makes me think of an old, fat person! :-)

Holly's doing great, and continues to amaze me with her perseverance. I don't know how you ladies do it...you're truly incredible! By now, I'd have been reduced to a quivering mass of jelly, and I'd be complaining nonstop.

Until next time...

2009-07-30T11:23:00.003-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD:

Congratulations, Holly! You're 31 weeks pregnant. Your baby measures about 18 inches long from head to toe and weighs about 3.5 pounds. Rather than hearing vibrations, his ears have matured enough that he can hear distinct sounds, like familiar voices and music. Your uterus now fills a large part of your abdomen, and you've probably gained between 21 and 27 pounds. You're probably feeling increasing excitement and anxiousness about the birth - - it won't be long now!

I'm fairly confident that Holly would agree with that last sentiment. Excitement and anxiousness are everywhere at our house right now! Mostly, I think Holly's ready to stop feeling like a beached whale (or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, depending on what day it is!). She's down to 4-day work weeks, and her day off is supposed to be a day of rest. So far, though, we've bought a car (last week...a 2004 Tahoe...sweet!) and gone to the science museum on her days off. I'm guessing that probably contributes to the high level of exhaustion that comes along with the excitement and anxiousness!

We're scheduled this weekend to take a tour of the beautiful new hospital where Tyler will be born, and we can't wait. Everyone we know who's had a baby there says it's absolutely gorgeous, and that it's basically a 5-star resort that just happens to have a women's health center attached. Awesome! More on that once we have pictures...

Until next time!

The Big Cheese!

2009-07-30T10:28:00.008-04:00

School bus alert! Chris and the rest of his kindergarten compatriots got their first official ride on the big yellow cheese yesterday. What a great time! Holly and I even got to tag along for the ride, and we had a blast.

Mom, Hope, and Hope's friend Courtney came over at about 8:15 (they had to keep an eye on The Moo while we were gone), and we took our little posse down to the bus stop a little before 8:30. The bus showed up a few minutes later, and shuttled us off to the school. Once we got to school, we were treated to a great little safety video featuring (I'm not kidding here) ELVIS the Safey Owl! Elvis is apparently the king of good behavior on the school bus, and the kids will see a lot more of him in the first few weeks of school as they get used to being on the bus. We were also treated to donuts, which really made the whole morning from the kids' perspective.

We head back to school next Thursday for open house, then it's the first day of kindergarten on August 10th. I can't even begin to believe that our Little Buddy is already in kindergarted (wistful tear...). Where in the world did the past five years go?!?

Walk the Dinosaur!

2009-07-30T10:10:00.003-04:00

We've been promising Chris a trip to "the dinosaur museum" (actually Fernbank Museum) all summer, and yesterday we finally came through for him. Fernbank has played host this summer to a travelling dinosaur exhibit (hence "the dinosaur museum"), and the boys couldn't have had more fun!

Before I get to the requisite video of their shenanigans, though, I have to share a quick story about Chris. We were standing in line in the little food court at Fernbank when, all of the sudden, Chris starts shaking his head back and forth really hard. I laughed at first because he looked a little stupid, but then it got a little strange. I finally grabbed him and asked what the heck he was doing...

"DAD! I have too many smarts in my head, and I have to shake them all out to make room for new smarts!" Can't argue with that... :-)

Enjoy the video...

Chubby Chia Baby!

2009-07-21T23:56:00.004-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

Congratulations, Holly! You're 30 Weeks pregnant. Your baby measures about 17 inches from head to toe and weighs about 3 pounds. Baby is growing plumper and beginning to control its own body temperature. Eyebrows and eyelashes are fully developed, and hair on the head is getting thicker. Head and body are now proportioned like a newborn's. Hands are now fully formed, and fingernails are growing. Your uterus is about four inches above your navel, and it's hard to believe you still have about 10 weeks to go. You may be feelingmore discomfort in your pelvis and abdomen now, and you can expect to gain about a pound a week from now until delivery.

It's pretty incredible to me that Tyler will gain anywhere from 5 to six more pounds before he's born (based on Chris and Matthew's birth weights), especially since the little booger already appears to be getting so big. He's been doing backflips and cartwheels for several weeks now and, despite what last week's update said, appears to show no interest in slowing down in his acrobatic adventures. Holly's doing pretty well, as long as she can keep moving. She pretty much crashes as soon as she stops going, so we sort of have to keep her in a state of perpetual motion unless we want her to go all narcoleptic on us. :-)

Chris and Matthew have really gotten into the spirit of the pregnancy, and they're starting to really show an interest in Tyler's growth. They even talk to him through Holly's belly button...it's WAY too cute! It remains to be seen whether Matthew will fully embrace having a little brother. He's been the baby for the last three years, and he's not really used to having other people steal the limelight. Still, it was pretty much the same for Chris, and he's been an AMAZING big brother, so I guess we'll see.

On an amusing note, stop by Andrea's blog for a second to see the sort of effect this pregnancy is having on other families. Her account of Annabeth's curiosity about babies it great!

Finally, I just think it's hilarious that Tyler's hair is starting to fill in. For whatever reason, I can just picture the little guy in there with a sprig of hair that miraculously sprouts into a glorious head of hair. Chia-Pet, anyone? :-) There's also something hysterical about the phrase, "Baby is growing plumper." Not sure why...

Ol' Blue Eyes...

2009-07-13T15:51:00.003-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

Congratulations, Holly! You're 29 weeks pregnant. Your baby measures about 10.4 inches from crown to rump, or a total length of about 16.7 inches from head to toe, and weighs about 2.7 pounds. At this stage, a fetus's eyes are almost always blue and can distinguish bright sunlight or artificial light through the wall of the uterus. Baby is performing fewer acrobatics as conditions in the womb have become cramped now that he is getting bigger. Your uterus is about 3.5 to 4 inches above your navel. Weight gain is probably between 19 and 25 pounds. If born now, your baby could probably survive outside the womb - although in a neonatal intensive-care unit.

How amazing is it that they know that almost all babies have blue eyes at this stage of development? Guess that's why they call 'em Baby Blues, huh? The whole thing made me think of Frank Sinatra, which made me think of Frank Sinatra, Jr.'s cameo role on (once again!) Family Guy. Check it out!

Again, I never cease to be amazed by what doctors are able to discern about kids who are still in the womb. I also got a kick out of the "Baby is performing fewer acrobatics..." First of all, all I can picture is a baby flying across the Big Top on a trapeze or something. Second, Tyler seems to be kicking Holly more frequently (and with more ferocity) than ever before. Maybe the WebMD guys are wrong about that...

Shamon! (with apologies to Adam Selzer)

2009-07-10T02:29:00.001-04:00

So the other day I turned on the TV only to find (on every stinkin' CHANNEL!) the Michael Jackson memorial service. Chris happened to be sitting next to me at the time, and says, "Who's that?" I gave him a quick overview of Mikey and his musical legacy, and quickly (though vaguely) explained what was going on. Chris takes another look at The King of Pop and says, "Wow. Michael Jackson is handsome. I'm sure glad he's dead, or Annabeth might want to marry HIM!"

Nice...

What Do Babies Dream About?

2009-07-07T11:08:00.002-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

Congratulations, Holly! You're 28 weeks pregnant. Your baby measures about 10 inches from crown to rump, or a total length of about 15.75 inches from head to toe, and weighs about 2.4 pounds. He is able to dream when sleeping, and his eyelids open and close. His lungs are almost fully developed, so there's a good chance that your baby would survive if born prematurely. Your uterus extends well above your navel. As your baby gets bigger and stronger this month, you may experience leg cramps and mild swelling of ankles and feet, difficulty sleeping, shortness of breath, lower abdominal aches, clumsiness or scattered Braxton Hicks contractions (hardening and relaxing of the uterus). These contractions are normal, but if they start showing a pattern, call your health care provider.

First of all, how amazing is it that babies can DREAM while they're still in-utero? Second of all...what the heck do you suppose they dream ABOUT? They don't have any life experience to speak of, other than that of growing progressively larger every day, so that really only leaves memories of the fertilization process itself. Ick...

Also amazing to me is that women can handle all of the ridiculous things that come along with being pregnant. Holly is currently experiencing all of the maladies listed by WebMD, AND she has to deal with ME! This is no small feat, ladies and gentlemen. The only thing that men have to compare this amount of discomfort to is being kicked in the, uh, nether-region. While this is excrutiatingly painful, the pain (and subsequent nausea) only lasts for about an hour or so after the fact. You ladies deal with this nonsense for NINE MONTHS! Incredible...

That's enough canonization of women for one day, but seriously...I'm impressed that anyone lives to tell about being pregnant!

It Starts...

2009-06-29T23:08:00.002-04:00

First, a note from friends at WebMD...

Congratulations, Holly! You're 27 weeks pregnant. Your baby measures about 9.6 inches from crown to rump, and weighs a little more than 2 pounds. Hands are active and muscle coordination is such that he can get his thumb into his mouth. Thumb-sucking calms the baby and strengthens his cheek and jaw muscles. Your baby can cry now, too.

OK, thumb-sucking jokes aside here, how wrong is it that kids can start crying when we can't even HEAR them?!? Is it not enough that Tyler will spend the majority of his first few months engaged in this very activity (when he's not eating, sleeping, or pooping, that is)? No, no...gotta' have some in-utero crying to go along with it, too. WOW!

Even funnier in this? That's it's just sort of thrown in there as some sort of after thought! "Oh, and by the way...you know that sound that's going to keep you to a maximum of two hours of sleep for the first three months of your baby's life? He's making it NOW...and he's PISSED about it!"

For whatever reason, this post totally me think of the Family Guy episode where the family is celebrating Stewie's first birthday. Stewie has a flashback to his in-utero days, and it's priceless. Enjoy!

Family Guy - Stewie's Birthday
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More Dancing Babies...or Ooga Chaka, Ooga Chaka!

2009-06-29T22:54:00.003-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

Congratulations, Holly! You're 26 weeks pregnant. Your baby measures about 9.2 inches from crown to rump and weighs almost 2 pounds now. Its hearing is full developed. As the fetus reacts to sounds, its pulse increases. Your baby will even move in rhythm to music. Lungs are growing but are not yet mature. Patterns of your baby's brain waves appear like a full-term newborn. It also has patterns of sleeping and waking. The baby's constant movements should be reassuring. You'll be putting on weight at the rate of about 1 pound per week now. You may be feeling some rib pain as your baby grows and pushes upward on your rib cage.

OK...so admittedly I've already blogged about dancing babies. In restrospect, I now feel sort of ripped off that I went that route so early. So, if you want to see a dancing baby video, please feel free to click here to see my earlier post.

In the meantime, I find it hard to believe that:
A. Tyler will have rhythm at all given his parents, and
B. That his moving "in rhythm to music" would look anything unlike the following...

And Now Here's Something We Hope You'll Really Like...

2009-06-16T00:16:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the Rocky and Bullwinkle theme...something got me going on that earlier today, and now it's just stuck in my head.

And now here's something I hope you'll really like...an update from our friends at WebMD!

Congratulations, Holly! You're 25 Weeks Pregnant. Your developing baby now measures about 8.8 inches from crown to rump and weighs 1.5 pounds. Skin now becomes opaque instead of transparent. Its body is still covered with folds of skin like a puppy that need to grow into its skin. The heartbeat can be heard through a stethoscope or, depending on the position of the baby, by others putting an ear against your belly. Besides your uterus growing upward, it may be getting bigger on the sides of your abdomen.

24-Week Update (It's late, I'm tired, and I can't think of a creative title!)

2009-06-16T00:04:00.004-04:00

And now this note from our friends at WebMD:

Congratulations, Holly! You're 24 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures around 8.4 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 1.2 pounds. He is starting to produce white blood cells, an important component of blood that is responsible for combating disease and infection, and may respond to your touch or sounds. Your uterus is about 1.5 to 2 inches above your navel. Expect to gain about a pound per week this month. Tests for detecting gestational diabetes are given between now and 28 weeks.

I'm not sure if it's just because it's late (a little after midnight) or if I'm just insane, but the idea that Tyler can hear things going on around him is just awesome to me...and totally makes me think of Stewie Griffin's iPod commercial on Family Guy. :-)

Wrinkled Old Bag Lookin' Like A Sharpei

2009-06-01T13:55:00.005-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 23 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 8 inches from crown to rump and weighs almost 1 pound. His body is starting to look more like a newborn, but his skin is still wrinkled as more weight is to be gained. By now, there is no mistaking that you are pregnant and you have likely gained about 12 to 15 pounds. If you have aches in the small of your back, consider treating yourself to a pregnancy massage or apply a warm (not hot) heating pad or hot water bottle for a short period of time to the area.

Let me first say that I think it's a bit presumptuous of the WebMD folks to assume that all husbands are kind enough to provide their loving wives with a trip to the spa for a pregnancy massage. Maybe they've got some sort of arrangement with the Spa Sidell folks or something. Hmmm....

Second, I think it's hilarious that Tyler has essentially not grown into his own skin yet. For whatever reason, all I can picture when I think of this is one of those wrinkly little sharpeis...

And why the bizarre title to this post? It's a shout out to our good friend, Will "The Fresh Prince" Smith, from his classic 1991 ode to old drivers, "You Saw My Blinker!"

We both pulled off on the side of the road

I was hot ready to explode

The only thing stopping me from breaking her nose

Was I was 21 and she was ninety years old

Then the police came turned the lights off

The lady started crying and the cop got soft

The cop said oh it'll be okay

Wrinkled old bag looking like a sharpei...

Graduation!!

2009-05-27T15:38:00.003-04:00

Chris graduated from Pre-K last week. HOORAY! I'll post more information on this later, but I thought I'd post the video for now. Enjoy! :-)

Do A Little Dance...Get Down Tonight!

2009-05-26T09:24:00.004-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 22 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 7.6 inches and weighs about 12.3 ounces. His muscles are getting stronger, and his eyelids and eyebrows have developed. Your baby's acrobatics are pretty constant, and since he responds to sound, rhythm and melody, you can try singing and talking to him. After he's born, the same sounds may soothe him. Your uterus is continuing to grow, but you're probably feeling pretty good -- no more morning sickness, and your abdomen isn't so large that it's getting in the way very much. But many women experience leg and foot cramps, as well as mild swelling of ankles and feet, around this time.

I think it's absolutely incredible that Tyler is already forming a love for music. On the other hand, the image that keeps popping into my head is that crazy dancing baby from Ally McBeal! :-)

Mah Name's Tahler...But Y'all Can Call Me Bubba!

2009-05-22T14:49:00.003-04:00

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 21 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 7.2 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 10.5 ounces. He is steadily gaining fat to keep warm. Growth rate is slowing down but organ systems, like digestion, are continuing to mature. A waxy film, called the vernix caseosa, is being produced by your baby's oil glands and covers the skin to keep it supple in the amniotic fluid. Buds for permanent teeth are beginning to form. Friends, relatives, and even strangers can probably tell you're pregnant by now. Your uterus is starting to extend above your navel. You've likely gained between 10 and 14 pounds.

Before continuing on, I think it's important to note Holly's response to this post. She's generally felt like everyone on Earth (and maybe even NASA astronauts thanks to the Hubble telescope) can tell that she's pregnant for the past several weeks. To say that she was shocked to hear that people might (just now) be able to tell that she's pregnant is perhaps the understatement of the century!

Anyway...I love the idea that Tyler's beginning to develop "buds for permanent teeth." That sort of makes it sound like he's growing some of those Hillbilly Teeth that you can buy in gas station gumball machines. :-)

Note to family members who are reading this...be sure to ask Ann about the teeth she wore the first time she met Holly's mom. Hilarious!!

20-Week Update

2009-05-22T11:22:00.002-04:00

From our good friends at WebMD...

You're 20 Weeks Pregnant. You're at about the midpoint of your pregnancy. Your
baby measures about 5.6 to 6.4 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 9
ounces. He can hear sounds by now - so talk to your baby often. Baby will even
cover his ears with his hands if a loud sound is made near you, and he may even
become startled and "jump." Your baby is moving often, too -- twisting, turning,
wiggling, punching and kicking. Can you feel him? Your uterus is just about even
with your navel and your waistline has pretty much disappeared. But don't worry,
it is only temporary!

I'm lazy today, so there's nothing clever about this post. As they say, "just the facts, ma'am!" Until next time...

I Just Have Too Many Interesting Things to Say!

2009-05-22T10:22:00.002-04:00

So a couple of weeks ago, Chris had notes on his daily reports that said he was "chatty" at nap time, meaning that he was probably keeping some poor kid from getting his or her daily ration of sleep (and - more importantly - keeping his teacher from getting her daily ration of sanity!). This went on for two or three days, and when I finally asked him why he kept being so chatty he replied, "I just have too many important things to say, and I have to get them out!"

How hilarious is that?!?

X-Men?

2009-05-13T08:48:00.003-04:00

First, this (slightly belated) note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 19 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 5.2 to 6 inches from crown to
rump and weighs about 7 ounces. The baby's skin is developing and is transparent, appearing red because of the visible blood vessels. A creamy white protective coating, called vernix, is also developing. As your baby continues to grow, you may be feeling some mid-pregnancy aches and pains -- lower abdominal achiness, dizziness, heartburn, leg cramps, mild swelling of ankles and feet, and a backache are all normal. Dilated blood vessels might cause tiny, temporary red marks (called spider nevi) on your face, shoulders and arms.

Admittedly, I'm a little creeped out by the "creamy white protective coating." It sounds like someone slathered Tyler in suntan lotion or something. Who knows? Maybe ultrasound waves can give you a nasty burn...

Regardless, the idea that Tyler's skin is still transparent and a little red reminded me of the scene in the first X-Men movie where Senator Kelly gets turned into a mutant by Magneto, only to have the mutation fail completely, ultimately resulting in his disintegration into a gelatinous mass on Dr. Grey's table. NASTY stuff, but a VERY cool effect!

Like A Rock...

2009-05-11T15:07:00.005-04:00

Last weekend, we decided it would be cool to celebrate Mother's Day a week early by having lunch with my aunt, uncle, cousin, and granda out in Stone Mountain. Since we weren't planning to eat until 2:30, though, we decided it would be cool to take the boys out to Stone Mountain Park. What a great experience!

We hadn't really been out to the part since they underwent massive renovations and privatization, and I have to say it was exceptionally cool. There's a whole village now that's filled with shops and historic activities, and they're really done a great job revamping the place. By far, our favorite spot was the glass blowing exhibition. We must have stood there for 15 minutes while this guy turned a two-inch blob of liquid glass into an absolutely beautiful vase. Truly mind-blowing!

It was also cool to walk around the base of the mountain. On either side, there are memorials to the fallen soldiers of the Confederacy, and there are lots of really great quotes engraved in the walkways. I'm not Southern by birth, but I have to say that if you had ties to the Confederate South, this would be like Mecca for you, I think.

It was interesting to see Chris and Matthew's reaction to things, too. Since he's still pretty young, I think most of the symbolism of the Mountain went over his head. Chris, though (in typical fashion), was fascinated by the whole affair and had tons of questions. Most interesting was his confusion over the idea of war, and why people were killing each other. Holly did a really amazing job of explaining it to him, though. She said, "Sometimes people believe in something so strongly that they're willing to die for it, and sometimes people love something or someone so much that they're willing to die for that, too. These people loved their country so much, and believed so strongly in what they thought was right, that they were willing to die for it." Even cooler, though, was how Holly worked in Chris's apparent religious zealotry. She told him, "It's kind of like how Jesus loved us so much that he was willing to die for us." Very cool!

Enough bragging about my wife and kids, though. On to the video! Enjoy... :-)

The Moo Turns Three!

2009-05-11T13:01:00.003-04:00

WOW is this post ever late! Matthew, or The Moo as he's become affectionately known (for reasons known only to Holly), turned three last month. It's a little ridiculous that I'm just getting around to posting this video in celebration, but I'm sure we'll all move on...right? RIGHT?!? OK...now that that's out of the way...

The Moo turning three was absolutely cause for celebration, and celebrate we did! It turns out that our neighbor's daughter's birthday falls just a few days before Matthew's, so we organized a dual birthday party for the two of them. It was AWESOME! We tag-teamed with our neighbor to rent a moonwalk for the day, and the kids absolutely wore themselves out. This had to be the single coolest moonwalk ever, by the way. Not only did it have a full-scale jump zone, it also had two basketball hoops (one inside, and one outside) and slide. Seriously...awesome!

We grilled out burgers and hot dogs, and stuffed our guests full of cake and goodies. There was also the requisite beverage for all three-year-old birthday parties...beer! :-) By the end of the day, parents and kids were completely exhausted, and a good time was had by all.

If you're reading this and were present for the festivities, thanks so much for making The Moo's third birthday a great one. We had an absolute blast, and we're thrilled to have such a great group of friends and family.

Enjoy the video!

Drama at the Prom-A

2009-05-06T14:19:00.004-04:00

This weekend was my youngest sister's junior prom. First, let me say just how much it boggles my mind that Hope is already a Junior in high school. I would swear that it was just last week that she was running after the school bus on Annie's first day of school, wishing her sister would come back to her. Of course, that all ended about thirty seconds later, when she famously said to my mom, "HA! Now I get to play with ALL the toys!"

Fast forward a decade and change, and she's all grown up into a beautiful young woman.

Granted, she's still playing with all the toys now that Annie's off at college (another mindbender), but we'll save that for later. Here's where the drama comes in!

Hope and her friends were all set for group pictures on Saturday, when all of the sudden it started to rain. The mass hysteria of flash-happy parents that made of the original photo shoot was therefore forced to move over to a local country club where one (or more) of the group had a membership. Pictures were snapped by the bazillion inside, but then we got lucky and the rain broke off. This is where it got interesting...

As it turned out, the best place to take group pictures was adjacent to the golf course. Also nearby...the golf cart garage! As you can imagine, Chris and Matthew were absolutely fascinated by the carts, especially since they seemed to be SO kid-friendly! Dad was wise enough to go around to the various carts and turn the keys to the "off" position, and the boys found themselves squarely in hog heaven. There were smiles all around, and a general calm fell over them as they pictured themselves hurtling along at breakneck speeds with Lightning McQueen and the gang.

Fast forward about 15 minutes and an untold number of cart returns...

We'd left the cart area for a few minutes to take pictures in other locations, and had just returned the cart corral. Naturally, the boys headed straight back to their favorite new toys and hopped aboard.

As an aside, I feel it's incumbent upon me at this point to mention that we'd spent the better part of the early afternoon at Chuck E. Cheese's for a birthday party. Chuck E. Cheese's, as you may know, is famous for its selection of kid-friendly video games...including driving simulators. This is important...

Anyway, there we all are, standing in awe of our suddenly waaaaay-too-adult-looking sisters/daughters/granddaughters/aunts/whatever, when all of the sudden out the corner of my eye I see...wait for it...

Matthew DRIVING a GOLF CART across the parking area and heading straight for a small pond!! Superhuman speed took over my parentally-exhausted body, and I flew across the parking area to leap into the cart with The Moo. I slammed on the brakes, sending Matthew flying into my arms, and promptly asked Matthew just what the heck he was thinking. Naturally, panic took over at that point, and poor Matthew just broke down crying. Also naturally (since crying kids and a death-defying leap into a golf cart are hysterical to adults), everyone else present completely cracked up...myself included.

By the time all was said and done, Matthew was convinced that he's the next race car champion of the world, and I was convinced that he'll NEVER get near another wheeled vehicle as long as he lives.

Guess we'll have to see...they DO race GoKarts over at the fairgrounds on the weekends. Maybe there's a future there after all! :-)

Spoon!

2009-05-06T14:11:00.003-04:00

OK, so there's not really an overly cute story or intricate background to these pictures, but... I came up to kiss the boys goodnight before heading off to bed the other night, and this is how I found them. How cute is that?!?

Pretty Woman? Not so much...

2009-04-29T16:09:00.004-04:00

And now, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 18 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures 5 to 5.6 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 5.25 ounces. The rapid growth spurt is tapering off, but reflexes are kicking in. He can yawn, stretch and make facial expressions, even frown. Taste buds are beginning to develop and he can now distinguish sweet from bitter. The baby can suck and swallow, and he may even get the hiccups. The eyes have become sensitive to light, so if a bright light is shined on your belly, baby will probably turn away. Your uterus, about the size of a cantaloupe, can be felt just below your navel. You're most likely feeling the baby move at this time. A mid-pregnancy ultrasound may be performed between now and 22 weeks to assess your baby's growth and development and to verify the due date. If the baby is in the right position, the ultrasound may even be able to determine the baby's sex.

It's truly amazing to me that:

Babies can taste in-utero

Anyone knows this...

How is it even remotely possible to figure out that a baby can differentiate between sweet and bitter? Do they have some sort of in-utero taste test? Perhaps a Pre-Natal Pepsi Challenge? I just can't get my head around it.

I also think it's hilarious that he's sensitive to light. Makes me think of the late, great ROy Orbison, and his aversion to bright light (hence the shades). Anyone? Anyone? Maybe it's just me...

Anyway, it appears that Tyler is growing like a little weed, and everything's going great. More updates to come!

Waiting to Exhale

2009-04-23T14:05:00.005-04:00

First, this update from our friends at WebMD...

Your baby measures about 4.4 to 4.8 inches from crown to rump and has doubled its weight in the last two weeks to about 3.5 ounces. Fat begins to form aiding heat production and metabolism, the lungs are beginning to exhale amniotic fluid, and the circulatory and urinary systems are working. Hair continues to grow on baby's head and his eyebrows and eyelashes are filling in. You're showing more, with an obvious swelling in your lower abdomen. A five- to 10-pound weight gain is typical by now. You also may be noticing an increase in appetite.

First, a quick disclaimer...if you do NOT want to know whether we're having a boy or a girl, I suggest that you lose this link TODAY. I plan to reveal that information in just a second. But first...it's amazing to me that we begin our lives encased in what can only be described as "warm liquid goo." Even more amazing is that we seem to have no problem breathing in there. According to WebMD, our newest little monkey started exhaling this stuff just this week...what the heck was going on before that? Incredible!

All that stuff aside, here's the big news:
IT'S A BOY!!!

That's right. Apparently, the Johnston genes just aren't meant to be passed along to girls! We had an ultrasound appointment through a friend last Friday, and everything looks great. Everything is where it's supposed to be, and he's looking perfectly healthy so far. We even have a name picked out...Tyler Sloan Johnston. Sloan is Holly's maiden name, and would have been Tyler's middle name even if he'd been a girl. The Tyler part of the equation is a little harder to explain.

Holly and I had a really hard time coming up with names for a boy this time around since most of the names we might normally have chosen had already been taken by family or friends (Aaron, Andrew, Thomas, Joseph). It seemed like we were forever bouncing names off of one another, until the name Tyler just sort of popped into my head a little while after we left our appointment. It seemed to really hit the right spot with both Holly and me, and now we can't imagine how we didn't think of it right away.

I'll upload some pictures from the ultrasound soon, and will continue to update everyone on the weekly progress of Tyler's development. In the meantime...Welcome Baby Tyler! We can't wait to meet you in person, and we already love you more than you'll ever know! :-)

There Can Be Only One!

2009-04-15T09:31:00.003-04:00

First, the weekly update from our friends at WebMD...

You're 16 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby now measures about 4.3 to 4.6 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 2.8 ounces. Fingernails are well-formed and the fine hair, called lanugo, continues to grow on the head. Arms and legs are moving, the nervous system is functioning and muscles are responding to
stimulation from your baby's brain. You may be able to hear the baby's heartbeat
in the doctor's office. Your uterus has grown significantly by now and weighs about 8.75 ounces. Within the next few weeks you may start to feel your baby move, called "quickening." It's often described as a gas bubble or subtle fluttering movement. As it happens more regularly, you'll know it's your baby.

It's hard to believe that we're already 16 weeks along. As a not-so-casual point of interest here, we're hoping to find out the baby's gender later this week. Keep your fingers crossed! In the meantime, I'm completely amused by the "quickening" reference here. The movie and TV fans among us may recall a similar term from the "Highlander" series of films and TV shows (you'll also understand the "There Can Be Only One" title reference here). "The Quickening" was used to describe the effect of one Highlander taking the power of another once he had killed the other (not pleasant, perhaps, but GREAT effects!), and led me to think of Sean Connery's role in the first "Highlander" movie. For that reason, James Bond/Ramirez gets a place of honor here at Damn...That Kid's Funny!

More to come later this week, I hope!

Captain Caveman (or Cavewoman...we'll see)!!

2009-04-06T13:23:00.003-04:00

From the good folks at WebMD...

Your fetus now measures about 4.1 to 4.5 inches from crown to rump and weighs
about 1.75 ounces. Its body is covered by an ultrafine hair, called lanugo,
which is usually shed by birth. Eyebrows and hair on the top of the head are
beginning to grow and his bones are getting harder. He may even be sucking his
thumb by now.

Not only is it pretty incredible how quickly this kid has gone from the size of a pea to almost four-and-a-half inches long, but I'm cracked up by the idea of all of the little hairs. For whatever reason, I'm picturing Captain Caveman from the old USA Cartoon Express. Anyone? Anyone? Maybe it's just me...

The Fight Against Fat-Assery...Update

2009-04-02T13:27:00.002-04:00

In my continuing efforts to combat Fat-Assery, I'm pleased to announce that I'm officially down to 204 pounds! That's an 18-pound difference since I started keeping track back in January.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled insanity. Have a nice day...

Magic Kingdom in the Sky

2009-04-01T11:41:00.004-04:00

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of a capella music, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone to know that a song by one of my favorite (though apparently now defunct) groups, Da Vinci's Notebook, was stuck in my head for most of the morning today. The song, "Magic Kingdom in the Sky," is a hilarious gospel-style tune extolling the many virtues of Disney World, and it absolutely REFUSED to get out of my brain. Naturally, I had to do something about that.

So...I proudly present to you a slideshow of our 2008 (!!) trip to Disney World, set to the music of Da Vinci's Notebook. Enjoy!

Is Holly Baking an Office Drone?!?

2009-03-31T17:10:00.005-04:00

First, a quick baby update from the good folks at WebMD...

You're 14 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 3.2 to 4.1 inches from crown to rump and weighs almost an ounce. The ears are shifting from the neck to the sides of the head, and the neck is getting longer and chin more prominent. Facial features and unique fingerprints are all there. Your baby is beginning to respond to outside stimuli. If your abdomen is poked, the fetus will try to wriggle away. You're probably wearing maternity clothes - or at least looser fitting ones -- now. Your skin and muscles are starting to stretch to accommodate your growing baby.

First of all, how cool is it that our baby already has fingerprints? This kid could totally be busted by the CSI folks! Second, I think it's absolutely hilarious that our ears start out on our neck, and move their way up to our head. For some reason, that made me picture Dilbert... :-)

And now, for the coolest story of the day. I'm actually kind of glad that we didn't get this e-mail update until Monday, because it made Sunday's events that much cooler. We FINALLY got our lazy butts back to church this weekend, and it appears that our little Dilbert wanna-be really enjoyed it. About 10 minutes into the message, Holly turned to me and said, "The baby really likes Shawn! This is the most I've ever felt it move!" How COOL is that? Now, not only do we have ourselves a master evangelist in Christopher, but it appears our new baby will be preaching from the mountain tops, too!

Until the next update, then...adios!

BroncoBlog...Keep Up With Buddy's Baseball

2009-03-26T15:28:00.005-04:00

In case you're interested, you can keep up with Chris's baseball team (and their exploits), at BPBroncoBlog, the official site of the Bennett Park Blue Broncos. Click here to check out all the action!

Chris (left) and his friend Griffin.

Georgia Peach...or Stewie Griffin?

2009-03-23T11:05:00.003-04:00

OK...so I was a little wigged out by today's update from WebMD. More on that in a second. First, the update:

You're 13 weeks pregnant. Your fully formed fetus, now in about its 11th week of
development, measures 2.6 to 3.1 inches from crown to rump and weighs between half an ounce and seven-tenths of an ounce -- about the size of a peach. The head is still disproportionately bigger than the body, but the rest of the body is starting to catch up. In fact, your baby is growing rapidly these days. The face is starting to look more human, with eyes moving closer together. Toes and fingers are clearly separate, and ankles and wrists have formed. External genitalia are becoming visible. Intestines are shifting into their proper place, too. Your uterus is filling your pelvis now and starting to grow upward into your abdomen. It probably feels like a soft, smooth ball. If you haven't put on weight yet because of morning sickness, you'll begin to now as you start to feel better.

Before I get into why I was wigged out, let me first say how exciting it is to know that our little Georgia Peach is starting to develop so wonderfully. It's truly amazing to know what's going on inside Holly's body right now, especially since the outwards signs have been so minimal so far (other than the morning sickness, of course!). That said..."The head is still disproportionately bigger than the rest of the body" really freaks me out. It sounds like we've got Stewie Griffin in there or something! Is our little Georgia Peach actually a scheming hellion bent on world domination?

Guess we'll have to see...

Ultrasound Photos!

2009-03-20T14:46:00.002-04:00

As promised, below are a couple of shots from our ultrasound earlier this week. If you've never seen an ultrasound before, you'd be better off looking at the picture on the bottom...I've outlined the baby's profile in red to make it a little more clear. Enjoy! :-)

Spring Baseball!

2009-03-20T10:08:00.005-04:00

What a great first game we had on Wednesday! We travelled all the way down to Midway Park, where we played the Midway Yellow Jackets. Unfortunately, the other team didn't have enough players to field a full roster, and they were forced to forfeit. Fortunately, they had just enough players to make things interesting, and we were able to have a short scrimmage game with them.

The boys did a great job with both hitting and fielding. There was an especially high level of enthusiasm in the infield, where most ground balls were met with a dog-pile of players chasing the ball down. One of the boys actually got kicked in the face, and suffered a bloody lip! Who knew baseball could be so dangerous?!? :-)

Chris went 1-for-2, but he hit the ball without using the tee both times. On his first at-bat, he actually hit the first pitch for a single! He got thrown out (more like run down) at first during his second at-bat, and was none too happy about it. He thought that the first baseman cheated by stepping on the base and touching him with the ball, so he stalked over to the dugout, then resolutely kicked the dirt before taking a seat. It was hilarious!

We've got another game tonight, and I'm hopeful that the chaos will be somewhat more organized. We'll see...

Here are a few pictures from Wednesday night (thanks Hopie!). Enjoy!

In-Utero Shrinkage

2009-03-19T16:34:00.002-04:00

How's THAT for an attention-getting header?!? There'll be a more in-depth discussion of it later in this post...

We're now officially 12 weeks along! Hard to believe that poor Holly has been fighting exhaustion for nearly 3 months already, but it's true. First, here's what the good folks at WebMD have to say about things. Then, on to the shrinkage!

You're 12 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby now measures about 2.5 inches from crown to rump and weighs between three-tenths of an ounce and half an ounce. It is fully formed, from tooth buds to toenails. Your baby's job now is to continue to grow big and strong. With the most critical time in your baby's development behind you, the chance of miscarriage drops considerably after this week. Nausea and energy start to improve but occasional headaches, dizziness and fatigue from hormone changes may be present. If it's your first baby, you still could be wearing loose-fitting clothes, but if you've had other pregnancies, you most likely are back in maternity clothes. The typical weight gain by now is about three to five pounds. Fathers-to-be might also experience pregnancy symptoms, called couvade or "hatching," during the third month and at delivery, including nausea, abdominal pain, appetite changes and weight gain.

So, what was all that about in-utero shrinkage again? Here's the deal... We had our 12-week appointment yesterday to make sure that everything's going along swimmingly, and were lucky enough to have another ultrasound (pictures are forthcoming, I promise). The purpose of this ultrasound was to test for any emerging birth defects, Down Syndrome, etc., but it also had the really cool side effect of showing us a great profile of our baby. First, let me say that this child appears to be absolutely every bit as adorable as Chris and Matthew. In fact, he/she puts his/her little hand right up to his/her little face just like both of the boys did in their ultrasounds. Hilarious!

Here's where it gets interesting. We got to see the baby from all sorts of interesting angles, including a lower-body shot. At 12 weeks, it'd be a minor miracle to be able to determine the baby's gender; however, there's always a slight chance. Our technician essentially said that she didn't see anything to indicate this baby is a boy; HOWEVER, she said that it's very common for the boy parts (this IS a family-friendly blog, after all!) to HIDE inside the body due to temperature fluctuations, etc. So basically, if we've got a boy here, it's suffering from in-utero shrinkage. WOW! On the other hand, it could also be a girl...hmmmmmm....

Guess we'll just have to wait and see on this one. We're not technically supposed to be able to find out until we're at 20 weeks, but we may have an in-route with a guy at work whose wife is an ultrasound tech. She got us in at 16 weeks with Matthew, and was able to tell us his gender at that point. Keep your eyes and ears peeled, folks...this is starting to get interesting! :-)

Pregnant Again in Margaritaville!

2009-03-09T13:41:00.002-04:00

WHAT?!? Did Brian just make a reference to margaritas in conjunction with being pregnant?!? What the heck is WRONG with this guy?!?

Not to worry, everyone. This post's title is merely a reference to the fact that, as of this week, our baby is roughly the size of a large lime. And what do we do with limes? We squeeze them into deliciously refreshing margaritas, of course...as long as the "we" in question doesn't include Holly!
Here's the latest update from the good folks at WebMD. Enjoy!

"You're 11 Weeks Pregnant. Your fetus, about the size of a large lime, measures
about 1.75 to 2.4 inches from crown to rump and weighs about three-tenths of an
ounce. About now the rapid "swooshing" noises of the heartbeat may be heard
using an electronic Doppler device. Fingernails and external genitalia are
showing distinguishing characteristics, and the baby is swallowing and kicking,
although you still won't feel it. Your uterus is almost big enough to fill your
pelvis and may be felt in your lower abdomen. You may also be seeing changes in
your hair, skin, fingernails or toenails."

The question now, of course, is when we'll be able to see for ourselves whether we've got a little boy or a little girl. The answer: probably in a few weeks. Doctors will generally perform an ultrasound at 20 weeks to determine the baby's gender, but we've got a friend who may be
able to do it at 16 weeks if we're nice to her. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated. Until next time...have a great day!

Shrimpy Shrimperton!

2009-03-03T13:55:00.002-05:00

From the weekly files of Holly's online pregnancy updates. Enjoy!

Your baby is now officially considered a "fetus." It looks a little like a medium sized shrimp, measuring 1.25 to 1.68 inches from crown to rump, and weighing a little less than two-tenths of an ounce. The most critical part of your baby's development is behind you. But other developmental processes, such as those affecting behavior and intelligence, will continue throughout pregnancy. You still probably don't look pregnant, but you may not be fitting into your regular clothes. The fatigue, moodiness, and morning sickness associated with the first trimester of pregnancy is likely still present, but these symptoms shouldn't last too much longer.

Strawberry Fields Forever...

2009-02-24T09:03:00.003-05:00

Honestly, today's post has absolutely nothing to do with the classic Beatles tune. The simple implication here is that, according to WebMD, our baby should be roughly the size of a strawberry at this point. Awesome! Holly's about 9 weeks along now, and she gets great weekly update e-mails from the folks at WebMD. I'll be doing my best to post those here so that everyone can keep up with where we are in the process. Enjoy!

You're nine weeks pregnant! Your embryo measures about 0.9 inches to 1.2 inches from crown to rump (note to Hopie here...RUMP!!!), or the size of a strawberry. The arms and legs are getting longer, and the fingers might be a little swollen where the touch pads are forming. The head is more erect and the neck is more developed. Your baby now moves its body and limbs, and this movement can be visible during an ultrasound, but you won't be able to feel it yet.

Holy crap! I (almost) have a Kindergartener!!

2009-02-20T16:48:00.004-05:00

It's true...Chris is getting old. How old, you ask? So old that we registered him for KINDERGARTEN yesterday! It's truly amazing how quickly the past five years have flown past. It seems like just a couple of years ago that we were taking my sisters down to the bus stop for their first days of school...

Anyway, I don't want to wax nostalgic or anything. Just thought I should share. Here's a picture of Chris at his new school. The reason that he looks less than happy is that he was completely exhausted from a trip to the circus. Enjoy! :-)

Mr. Whizzer!

2009-02-19T14:19:00.003-05:00

** - Note to non-parents: The following post will be meaningless, and frankly a little odd to you...get over it!

One of the great joys of parenthood is the seeming endless carousel of dirty and wet diapers that you get to change. Then, one day, it happens...your child decides he wants to wear - wait for it - UNDERPANTS! This day actually came a few weeks ago for Matthew, and we've been sending him to school in underpants ever since. The funny part so far, though, has been that he usually only made it about half-way through the day before he invariably had an accident. Always prepared, we sent him to school with back-up pants and a full complement of pull-ups (think Depends for kids).

A few minor accidents aside, Matthew was cruising along nicely. He made it almost the entire day on Tuesday, but missed the full-day mark by about three minutes - he had an accident just before Holly picked him up. But yesterday (cue herald angels singing, trumpets blaring, etc.) he made it all the way through the day! WHOO HOO!

There's truly nothing more exciting than knowing that the days of Matthew diapers are almost behind us. Granted, we've got another two-plus years ahead of us with the arrival of 3.0, but we can totally handle it!

Anyway, just wanted to congratulate The Moo. Have a great day!

Three-Point-Oh!!

2009-02-18T15:52:00.005-05:00

Excited!

Enthusiastic!

Elated!

What do these words have in common? They all perfectly describe how I feel about the following announcement... Holly is pregnant!!!!!

That's right! The imminent arrival of Baby Johnston Three-Point-Oh (as we've come to call it) was confirmed this morning by Holly's doctor, and we couldn't be more excited, enthusiastic, or elated!

We (I say "we," but we all know that I really mean Holly) are about 8 weeks along, which gives us a due date of sometime around the end of September. We had an ultrasound this morning, and everything looks great. There's a heartbeat, and our baby looks something like a little lima bean at this point. In the coming weeks, it'll take on the size of other edible objects (though there are those who would argue the edibility of lima beans!), which I'll do my best to keep up with here. I'll also be sure to keep the blog updated with ultrasound photos when possible. There should be another one here in about four weeks, so keep your eyes peeled.

Holly's doing great, though she's been really tired so far. It's actually kind of like having a third child in the house already...she's constantly hungry, and she goes to bed at 8:30! :-) (Love you, Holly...don't kill me!)

The boys are also very excited, and were the ones who got to break the big news to my parents. We bought them both shirts that said "Big Brother," then let the boys take it from there. They grabbed Mom and Dad, and said, "Look at our new shirts!" There was a brief moment of silence, then Dad said, "Wait a minute...TWO big brothers?!?" What followed can only be described as a melee. Hugs were flying around the room at light speed, and my mom's excitement was probably audible about a mile away!

We took a few pictures of the boys in their new shirts, then sent them to Holly's folks as part of a birthday card that we sent her dad (Happy Birthday, Mike!). Thinking (correctly so, I might add) that they may not catch the subtleties of the "Big Brother" shirts, Holly signed the card, "Love, Holly, Brian, Chris, The Moo (Matthew, for the uninitiated), and Baby 3.0". Since we weren't there in person to witness the excitement, all I can tell you is that the phone call I received after they got the card was filled with the same level of excitement exhibited by my parents...though for some reason I was branded a "little stinker" by my mother-in-law. Presumably, this stemmed from my not having told her sooner.

I've attached a picture from our ultrasound this morning, as well as the tell-tale photo that we used to share the news with the in-laws. Hope you enjoy! :-)

El Nino Karaoke

2009-02-16T15:51:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I put up a post about Chris's love for Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers, and their smash hit, "Broken Lady." Today, I'm pleased to say that Matthew has joined the ranks of Karaoke Kids with his intense desire to sing along in SPANISH (!!) with Andrea Bocelli's "Pero Te Extrano" (which roughly translates to "I miss you"). I'm not sure how we got into this particular realm of music with The Moo, but I can say this...for a VERY long time, this song served as our "calm The Moo down" music. If Matthew was out of control, cranky, or otherwise unpleasant in the car, all we had to do was play this song, and he'd calm down almost instantly.

After a few months of self-calming with the song, though, it appears that Matthew thinks he's a blind tenor! He asks for the song by name ("Strano, Daddy! Strano!"), and then proceeds to sing right along with Bocelli. The funniest part, though, is the soaring "PERO TE EXTRANO" that gets both Matthew AND Chris singing at the tops of their lungs. It's absolutely hysterical, and I'll do what I can to post video of it sooner as opposed to later. :-)

The Fight Against Fat-Assery...Redux

2009-02-03T16:03:00.002-05:00

** - The following post in no way, shape, or form relates to my children, their cuteness, or their inherent funniness. It's simply a post about me. Selfish? Probably. Enjoy all the same...

Just a quick update on my battle against fat-assery...did you know that a chicken bake from the Costco deli has over NINE HUNDRED calories and FIFTY GRAMS of FAT?!?!? I ate one for lunch today, then came back to the office and Googled the "nutrition information" for it, and I was completely blown away!! I could have had almost TWO BIG MACs for that amount of caloric intake. Seems it's not just Costco's packs of toilet paper that are meant for fat asses! :-)

Battle Hymn

2009-01-27T08:56:00.004-05:00

In case you hadn't heard, my family is made up of rabid Georgia Bulldog fans. That said, we pretty much started brainwashing both Chris and Matthew at birth to not only love the Dawgs, but to revel in all things UGA. In fact, the first mobiles that hung over each of their cribs were made up of five little Ugas, while the music played "Glory." If you're not familiar with the song (and SHAME on you if you're not!), the song is sung to the tune of the final stanza of "Battle Hymn of the Republic," ("His truth is marching on!" which becomes either a) G-E-O-R-G-I-A, or b) And to Hell Georgia Tech!) and is widely considered to be the national anthem of the Bulldog nation.

The larger song, "Battle Hymn," is performed prior to and immediately following every Bulldog game, and the ending receives a great flourish where the entire croud yells out "GO DAWGS!!" during a brief half-note rest. Hard to picture in your head? Maybe, so I've attached a photo montage of Georgia goodies featuring the song so you can get the idea.

ANYWAY...we're crusing down the road the other day listening to "Bulldog songs," as Matthew calls them, and "Battle Hymn" comes on. It's one of my all-time favorites, so I'm getting all geared up for a rousing "GO DAWGS!" in my head when, from the backseat, at the top of his lungs, Chris yells out "GO DAWGS!!" I'm not sure I've ever been prouder to be a Bulldog OR to be a dad. It was awesome! :-)

Enjoy the video!

Gobama!

2009-01-23T10:53:00.001-05:00

In the wake of Barack Obama's historic ascent to the Presidency, I'd just like to say how proud I am to live in America. This is a man who has truly inspired tens (if not hundreds) of millions of people to once again believe in the future of our country, and whose leadership we have craved for far too long.

The Fight Against Fat-Assery

2009-01-23T10:34:00.002-05:00

** - The following post in no way, shape, or form relates to my children, their cuteness, or their inherent funniness. It's simply a post about me. Selfish? Probably. Enjoy all the same...

I recently discovered I was becoming a bit of a fat-ass. Nothing too serious, as I was weighing in at about 222. Still, that weight put me in the "overweight" category, and I wasn't too pleased about it. This being a new year and all, I decided to get off of the aforementioned fat ass and do something about it. After doing a bit of research online (always the bargain hunter!), I found several websites that offered great workout plans, calorie counters, etc. Among my favorites so far have been:

www.fitday.com - A great fitness, health, calorie, and workout tracker. The biggest plus? It's free! Using the calorie counter to determine exactly what I'm taking in has really forced me to look at food in a whole new way, and I've become almost obsessive about keeping my daily intake under 2,300 calories.
http://www.truthaboutabs.com/time-crunched-workouts.html - Truth About Abs was a site that I found sort of by accident, but it's given me some great ideas about weight loss, not the least of which is the site's position on cardio exercise, which it considers healthy but not the be-all, end-all of weight loss. Instead, it focuses on resistance training. The link listed above is actually a really great at-work workout that I've started using. Essentially, you take a few minutes each hour to complete the exercises listed, then get back to work. I've found it to be a great means of staying motivated and energized at work, and it does a great job of keeping my appetite in check.
www.thefitbastard.com - Not only is this a hilarious name for a fitness site, I really enjoy the updates and ideas that it offers.

I've only been keeping tabs on things for about two weeks, but I've lost about 4.5 pounds so far. Not exactly Biggest Loser-type results, but good enough to keep me motivated. Wish me luck...maybe the next time you see me I'll be a shadow of my former self!

She's MY Woman!

2009-01-20T14:53:00.002-05:00

So...I was just at school to drop off a car seat for my mom (they're stealing the boys to see a movie), and his teacher relayed the following story:

Today in class the kids were talking about helping people. For example, if you know how to do something, and see someone else who's not quite doing it right, you're supposed to give them helpful hints, etc. I'm not sure how that translated to what Chris said next, but he said:

"If someone was being mean to my Annabeth, I would NOT be nice to them. I
would have to go and yell at them, because she's MY woman!"

I'm sure it's nice for Annabeth's parents to know that their daughter is well taken care of!

Procrastination and Birthday Wishes

2009-01-13T16:40:00.002-05:00

OK...I'll admit that I'm WAY late in posting this, but I'd like to wish my sister a very happy birthday (it was January 9th). The boys were kind enough to seranade her on the big day, and I thought it would be nice to share that video here. Enjoy...and Happy Birthday, Annie! :-)

The Karaoke Kid

2009-01-06T17:08:00.006-05:00

As further proof that Chris is apparently my Mini Me-style clone, he's developed a love affair with music...as well as the singing that comes along with it. Since Holly and I aren't always in the mood for his particular brand of songs, however, we bought him a small MP3 player for Christmas (Note to those of you concerned that we're spoing our children: this is NOT an iPod, but rather a cheapo player from Target!). It's a 1gb model that holds about 250 songs or so. Before putting it under the tree, I filled it with his favorite kid's music, as well as a bunch of oldies and mom-and-dad songs that he's come to love.

Of particular interest to him right now are two songs by (I couldn't BEGIN to make this up!) Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers: All The Gold in California, and Broken Lady. So now, out of his bedroom every night, we're seranaded by the melodious sounds of the five-year-old sensation, The Karaoke Kid! You really haven't lived until you've heard a little kid belting out a heartfelt love song from the 70s!

Jesus is NOT funny...He is LORD!

2009-01-06T16:55:00.002-05:00

I swear, if Chris doesn't grow up to be some sort of street-corner preacher I'll be absolutely shocked! We were in Houston for the holidays (visiting the in-laws...more on that in another post), and I was asked to give the blessing at Christmas dinner. When I had finished, Chris chimed in to say, "And thank you for making Jesus our only present!"

Naturally, this kicked off a chorus of laughter around the dinner table, and apparently my laughter was the most noticeable to Chris, who delivered the following rebuke: "Dad, Jesus is NOT funny...He is LORD!" Never let it be said that our child doesn't have a spiritual side! :-)

Under The Sea!

2008-12-17T13:04:00.003-05:00

In an effort to cram the weekend full of as many activities as we possibly could (we were already planning to celebrate Christmas with the family, and Holly had a girls' night out on Saturday), we decided to celebrate Chris's birthday with a family trip to the Georgia Aquarium this weekend. As seems to happen with greater and greater frequency these days, we invited Annabeth and Kyra along for the fun (their folks were invited, too). Much madness and hilarity ensued, the details of which I'll spare you for now. But...since the kids were so darned cute, I thought I'd share the newest video montage of adorable-ness. Enjoy!

Number 5 is Alive!

2008-12-03T11:52:00.003-05:00

References to classic '80s movies aside, it's time to celebrate Christopher's FIFTH birthday! It's hard to believe that we've had our Little Buddy for five years already, and it's incredible how the time has flown by.

We love you, Chris!

A Note to MiMi

2008-12-02T09:29:00.002-05:00

So we're on the way home yesterday, and Chris says, "I want to send a note to MiMi on your phone!" The following is an exact transcript of his message...just too cute not to share. Enjoy!

Dear MiMi,
I made you a present. And it's in an envelope. And I love you. And
when I go to Texas, I'm gonna' give you the card. And I love Papa Mike. And I
love going to see my MiMi. I love Christmas. And I'm gonna' get you a present at
the store. And I think you would laugh because there's a male bird on the card
that I'm gonna' give you when I get to Texas. I love you!
Love,
Chris :-)

It's a Feast!!

2008-12-01T16:50:00.006-05:00

Not much of a back-story here, but I had the good fortune to attend Chris's Thanksgiving feast at school the other day, and thought I'd share a few pictures from the event. We had an awful lot of fun, and the food was delicious. The teachers had even helped the kids come up with a "12 Days of Thanksgiving" song! I can't remember all of the items, but I know that there were 11 Stalks of Broccoli, at least 9 Cups of Jello, and 5 Meatballs with Ketchup (the latter was performed with great emphasis, and a throwing of hands into the air).

Best of all, though, each of the kids had drawn a picture of the things that they were thankful for. The teachers had then asked them about it, and wrote down (pretty much verbatim) what the kids said. Chris drew a picture of Holly and me (complete with UGA hat...GO DAWGS!), and said that he was "Thankful for my Mommy, because she gives me lots of hugs!" Not sure why I didn't get the shout out for giving hugs, too, but I'm over it.

Anyway...here are the promised photos. Enjoy!

Being With Her Keeps My Heart Together

2008-12-01T16:38:00.003-05:00

Much has been made in this blog about the relationship between Chris and his "girlfriend," Annabeth. As I've mentioned on several occasions, these two have been virtually inseparable since starting daycare way back in the day...

Anyway, this morning we're on our way to work, and Chris is discussing his upcoming birthday (he'll be FIVE!) and the requisite celebratory events. We're talking about heading to the Georgia Aquarium, and Annabeth will naturally be invited. So...we're having this conversation, and Chris says, "If Annabeth wasn't with me, my heart would break. Being with her keeps my heart together!"

If there's anything cuter or more romantic than that (in a five-year-old's world, anyway), I'd love to hear it! :-)

Santa Hats!

2008-11-19T09:59:00.002-05:00

Nothing spectacular to write about here...just a cute picture. Holly and I went on a date the other night, and the boys hung out with my parents. They went to the dollar store, and came out with Santa hats. Too cute! :-)

Sugar Bugs!

2008-11-19T09:47:00.003-05:00

So how bad does this suck? Chris has cavities, which he calls Sugar Bugs! He had an appointment with the dentist last month, and she told us that he had two cavities, one on each of his two front teeth. Apparently, it's pretty common among kids his age, especially with the increasing number of juice box-type beverages that are available out there. With the straws going right by their front teeth, kids just really don't stand a chance. Bummer.

What's my point? My point is that Chris handlded the whole thing like a champ! We went for his follow-up appointment last week, and it was time for drillin' and fillin'. He was a little nervous going in, but we talked about what would happen, and by the time it was time for him to see the dentist he was ready to rock. It was pretty hilarious, actually...

Since he's still young and impressionable (and probably because they don't want kids to associate dentists with pain), the doctor recommended that we give Chris laughing gas to keep him calm throughout the procedure. So they stick this little mask on him that kind of resembles a football (see the picture below), and he's in La-La Land. They still had to numb him and give him novacaine, but he never even felt that happen.

The most hilarious part was the actual drilling, though. Since the cavities affected the areas directly in the center of his two front teeth, the drilled-out space ended up looking like a David Letterman/Michael Strahan kind of gap. I was concerned at first that they were going to leave it like that, but in the end it all ended up getting filled in. Chris was an angel, and I couldn't have been prouder of him.

OK...I'll grant you that this isn't the most exciting post ever, but the picture is totally worth it. Enjoy!

I'm Raising a Religious Zealot...and a Political Activist!

2008-11-05T11:20:00.003-05:00

"Nothing can separate me from God's love."

That's what Chris said (quite loudly) out of his open window as we were cruising slowly through traffic the other day. WHAT?!? Apparently, his Sunday school class was quite an inspiration for him that morning, and he decided to share his faith with our fellow Atlantans, many of whom had their windows down, as well. I'm not sure exactly what made him decide to go quite so public with his faith in God, but it was pretty flippin' hilarious!

Along those lines...
Holly and I volunteer every other month or so at a financial planning class at our church called ReThink Money. This has been a phenomenal source of both inspiration and fiscal planning for both of us, but that's not the point of this post. The point is this: we were all set to volunteer at one of these classes Monday night, but Chris got sick on the way home from school and had to stay home with Holly while I went alone. While they were home, the two of them got caught up watching pre-election coverage. Chris was particularly interested in Barack Obama, partly because of his admittedly cool-sounding name, but also because he had "dark skin." I'm not sure why this was so ground-breaking for him, especially since his Pre-K class is exceptionally diverse, but there it was...

Chris and Holly discussed the upcoming (now last night's) elections, and how they were truly historic - regardless of the winner. Chris was, of course, fascinated by the whole thing, and was excited to talk about it at school on Tuesday. The Pre-K teachers had planned a mock election on Tuesday, but had the class vote on favorite foods in lieu of the actual candidates. I'm guessing this was meant to deter any kids who'd heard their folks talking politics from spouting off. HA! Apparently, this is impossible in Christopherland! Allow me to digress for a second before I get to the big finish...

During nap time, Chris sometimes asks his teachers to write a bunch of words on paper so that he can copy them. What can I say? The writing apple doesn't fall far from the tree! It's usually just names or random words, but yesterday we got a note from his teacher on his daily report:

"Chris is just too funny! Today he asked Ms. Mary Helen to write, 'I love
Obama, the one with the brown skin!" What the hell?!? Now he's all of the sudden a political activist in addition to being a religious zealot! Who knew? And, just when we thought his political aspirations were limited to the written word, Holly got the following e-mail from Annabeth's mom:

Subject: LMAO (that's "Laughing My Ass Off" for those not
familiar)

So, I go to pick up the girls yesterday, and Randi sees us
walking out. And she stopped and asked me if I had been talking about the
election at home. And I told her a little bit, but not much (unless you
count Will screaming at the TV anytime McCain came on…..). And she said,
"well, I’m not sure if you know Brian and Holly’s political leanings, but
Chris has Annabeth completely convinced that Barack Obama is the person to
vote for! He made a button! And they are so cute!"
And I just laughed and laughed.
So, when I saw Chris, he goes "are you going to vote for Barack Obama? Because my
mom says that he is super cool. And he has dark skin!!!!"
LMAO, but sigh all at the same time. :-)

These truly are amazing times in America, and apparently my son has decided to make it his mission in life to let people know who/what they should believe in/vote for. We're going to have to have a little talk with him about that...we're not exactly street preachers in our house. Still, I'm pretty proud to know that he's not afraid to voice his opinion. Think he gets that from his mom!

Rock the Vote!

2008-11-04T08:53:00.006-05:00

No matter who you choose to vote for, or on which side your political allegiances lie: get out and vote today! This is our country, and it's the greatest in the world. The freedom to choose our leaders has been guaranteed to us through the blood, sweat, and tears of generations before us, and it's our absolute responsibility to be part of history. Make your voice heard!

* Images Below Intentionally Placed Left and Right of Center

BOO...Halloween '08!

2008-11-03T15:51:00.003-05:00

Halloween has officially come and gone, but it left us with a great set of photos to share with everyone. This year, we had the good fortune to go trick-or-treating with the folks from our church growth group, and we had an absolute blast! The kids loved every minute of it, and Chris was a wild man! He and one of the other little monkeys from our group led the charge from house to house, seemingly impervious to the cold that had set in by dark. Matthew was a little shy at first, but gradually warmed up to the idea of taking candy from strangers (funny how we always tell them NOT to do this!).

By the end of the night, we were completely exhausted and more or less buzzing from the sugar high. All in all, it was a great night for everyone. Enjoy the video!

Aunt Katie's Wedding!

2008-10-14T16:35:00.004-04:00

OK, this event actually took place on September 6th, but I'm a procrastinator. I delay...it's what I do.

Anywho...if you've known us for any length of time, you're already familiar with the now world-famous Aunt Katie. While she's not actually a relative, she IS Chris's girlfriend's aunt, so she's family by default. Chris has long been obsessed with Annabeth's Aunt Katie, and has attributed many events to her influence in his life. The list of accolades attributable to Aunt Katie includes, but is not limited to, the boys' destruction of our toy room many months ago. When I asked Chris why he and Matthew had torn the room apart and essentially trashed it, he told me that Aunt Katie had made him mad, and that he was getting back at her for it. Such is the wisdom of a four-year-old...

So...the venerable Aunt Katie got married back in September, and she had the bravery (some may call it balls!) to invite the kids along to enjoy the festivities. Not only was this the boys' first occasion to wear ties, it became the social event of the fall for them. Let me say, for the record, that both Chris and Matthew were absolute angels throughout the reception and ceremony, and that they are both dance MACHINES!

The video shows off just how cute they (and their respective girlfriends) were that night. If you had the good fortune to attend Holly's and my wedding, you may recognize the music as " 'Til I Die" by Dayroom. This classic wedding song has become a staple at weddings among our UGA friends. Though not widely known, I hope it gets some added exposure here. Enjoy!

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

2008-09-17T09:34:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago I added a post about Chris taking Karate, and indicated that there is simply nothing cuter than 4-to-six-year-olds kicking and punching their way through a Karate class. I was wrong...

As it turns out, the cutest thing I've seen to-date is kids of the same age playing baseball! Chris joined a T-ball team this fall, and last night was his first game. They actually had two weeks of pre-season so they could learn the fundamentals (like which base they're supposed to run to!), and now we're into the real season. The season will last six weeks (give or take), and he'll have two games each week.

Chris's team, the Braves, will take on teams like the Diamondbacks, Midshipmen, and Aztecs. They sound pretty ferocious until you realize that they can just barely keep their batting helmets on!

The most hysterical thing is that this baseball is NOT tee-ball...it's coach-pitch! The coach throws three pitches to the kids who, if they don't make contact, then have the option to hit off of a tee. What shocked me the most was the number of kids who actually hit the ball that was pitched...some of these kids look like Babe Ruth! :-)

Anyway, I've compiled the requisite video footage of the game and posted it below. Enjoy!

I Got (Re) Married in my Flip-Flops!

2008-09-08T16:16:00.006-04:00

How cool is this? First of all, Holly and I have been attending Mountain Lake Church for just a shade under two years now. It's one of the new breed of modern churches: rock-and-roll music, casual atmosphere, etc. You can even wear flip-flops if you want...hence the title of this post. The church's tagline (if you want to call it that...they call it their mission statement) is: "Changing The Way People Think About Church." Never have truer words been spoken. Since we started going there, the pastors have proven themselves time and again to be both outstanding communicators and exceptionally well-versed in theology. While I don't always agree with everything they say (some of the church's roots are in the Baptist tradition, and I was raised Lutheran/Presbyterian), I've nonetheless found them to be wonderfully encouraging, deeply insightful, and incredibly timely. All of that leads me to this...

As part of the church's recent series, "The Marriage Project," we had an opportunity to review our wedding vows as part of a group ceremony that served as the culmination of the message series. I originally thought that perhaps it would be a bit awkward to stand at the front of the church with 40-50 other couples, but it turned out to be an amazingly intimate moment for everyone. It was really quite inspirational, and served as a great reminder of how much Holly and I love one another. It was also a nice kick in the pants to remind us to show that love on a daily basis. Since no one who reads this blog was there for the actual event, I thought I'd share a copy of the vows from the service:

"Before God and all these witnesses; I’m renewing my commitment to love you; I promise to believe in you; I promise to leave everything and cleave only to you; I promise to love you. And I promise to submit to you. I promise to cherish you as God’s gift to me. I promise to respect you; and accept our differences. I promise to forgive you. I promise to pray for you and encourage you. I promise to grow in loving God with you. I love you with all of my heart and I always will; whether rich or poor; in sickness and health; as long as we both shall live."

It was truly an amazing and memorable day, and I'm thankful every minute for the incredible gifts that are my wife and family. I love you all!

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting!

2008-08-21T15:47:00.005-04:00

Ever since he was a Power Ranger for Halloween last year, Chris has wanted to chop, kick, and punch his way through any and all bad guys. So what did we do? We enrolled him in karate classes, of course!

He's been in class for the past several weeks (there were a couple of local elections thrown in that screwed up the schedule), and I can't believe how well-disciplined he is. My folks are always telling me how strange it is that my sisters are completely bonkers at home, yet their teachers swear they're the best-behaved, most well-mannered kids they've ever met...I'm starting to understand it now. Apparently, kids only want to impress adults OTHER than their parents, a fact made all-too-clear during the past few weeks of class. That aside, here's my main point: if you've ever wondered exactly what is the definition of hysterical, look no further than a group of four- to six-year-olds taking karate!

These kids are running around like crazy, chopping, jumping, and punching at anything that moves. Until, that is, Sensei Charles rolls in. Sensei Charles is a bad-ass! The guy's got a black belt and an attitude that would make Chuck Norris wet himself (with apologies to Chuck, just in case he's reading this...). From the first minute he walked into class, it was evident...there would be ZERO screwing around in this class. His first rule is that you always answer with "Yes Sir!" or "No Sir!" I love that! The only other rule is that if he catches you screwing around, you've got to sit on your knees with your feet under your butt for five minutes. Doesn't sound like too much trouble...until you've tried it! This move is uncomfortable on carpet, so I can only imagine what it would be like on the hard linoleum floor they work out on. OUCH!

Anway, to make a long story short...Sensei Charles whipped these little monkeys into shape a ridiculous pace, and I'm duly impressed. I also have the feeling that Chris will be taking karate for quite a while now, and that I'm officially the Dad of Christopher-san!

What's that? You'd like pictures and maybe a video? Can do! Here you go...

Want to See What's Under My Skirt?

2008-08-18T16:34:00.002-04:00

No, this isn't some kind of sick come on, nor is it a cross-dressing site (bet THAT'LL get the search engines linking to my blog...hmmm...). It's just a damned funny story about Chris's girlfriend, Annabeth.

As I've mentioned, last week was the kids' first week of Pre-K. Part of that first week was a refresher course on colors, how they work, what happens when you mix them, etc. A key part of the week was that everyone was supposed to dress in a particular color each day. Wednesday was Orange day.

Now...if you know ANYTHING about me at all, you know what a major feat it is to locate an item of orange clothing in my house (GO DAWGS!). Such is NOT the case at Annabeth's house...her folks are Clemson fans, and for some reason seem to think that orange is a particularly lovely color, especially when mixed with purple (WTF?!?).

So...I've told you all of that to tell you this:

We go to pick the boys up from school, and all of the kids are out on the playground. Before I've even seen Chris, Annabeth comes running up to me and yells, "Mr. Brian! Mr. Brian! Want to see what's under my skirt?!?" HOLY CRAP! How do you answer this question without falling down laughing? I did my best, and said something to the effect that it's not really cool to show other people what's under your skirt. Meanwhile, the teacher is in absolute hysterics laughing her butt off!

Thankfully, Annabeth's mom showed up about two seconds later. After relating the story to her, you can probably imagine my relief when she informed me that what was under Annabeth's skirt was in fact...SHORTS! Apparently, one of the other little girls in class had been running around showing off her panties when she was wearing skirts, and Annabeth thought it would be best if she kept that kind of thing to herself by providing a little extra coverage. Too funny!

Thanks for the laughs, Annabeth!

Jump Around!

2008-08-18T10:48:00.003-04:00

Last weekend was Chris's friend Alex's 5th birthday, and we joined Alex and friends over at one of those cool jumpy places. Actually, it ended up being at the same place where we had Chris's 4th birthday party, which worked out great since the camera we had at that event didn't do a very good job with indoor photography.

This time around, I'm happy to say that we got some great pictures. More importantly, though, we got some awesome VIDEO! Enjoy!

Pre-K...Let's Get It Started!

2008-08-12T08:06:00.003-04:00

It's official...Christopher is now a member of First Academy's Georgia Pre-K Class of 2009! :-) We woke up extra early this morning, had a little breakfast, and sauntered off to school. What a site! There were parents EVERYWHERE, and the kids were absolutely chomping at the bit to get in to their class (bet that's the last time THAT happens!). Completely cute!

Here's a little video memento of the occasion...enjoy!

Ring of Fire!

2008-08-08T16:07:00.003-04:00

Alright...I'm REALLY not sure how this came to pass, but the boys are absolutely OBSESSED with Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire. I played it a couple of times in the car one day, and the next thing I know, they're asking for it by name on a daily basis!

It's strange enough that my 4 1/2-year-old and 2-year-old are making musical requests in the car other than The Wiggles or Sandra Boynton, but to have it be The Man in Black? Crazy! Think that's all the craziness I could cram into one posting? WRONG!

As it turns out, the boys have now mastered the art of Karaoke, too! Check out their rockin' Ring of Fire music video:

Pajama Time!

2008-08-08T15:32:00.004-04:00

Today is sort of a bittersweet day at our house: it's Chris's last day of preschool before starting Pre-K!

Granted, he'll be attending Pre-K at the same school, so the geography doesn't change, but the fact of the matter is that he's now officially a big kid! We've been going around and around trying to figure out how he got so big so quickly. Add to this the fact that my oldest sister is about to go off to college (I'm 13 years older than she is), and you've got a perfect recipe for feeling seriously old!

All that being said, though, I really should get to the point of my post for today: my kids are too damned cute! Their classes had end-of-summer parties today, and the kids were encouraged to dress in their jammies for a "Pajama Day." The boys were, of course, completely adorable, and I feel compelled to share pictures.

Enjoy!

George Carlin...A Genius Departed

2008-06-23T17:23:00.006-04:00

I read with great sadness today that George Carlin, the comic genius behind such characters as Al Sleet the Hippy-Dippy Weatherman and his alter-ego, Filmore, from the movie Cars, passed away yesterday afternoon.

There were lots of things I didn't know about him - he was originally part of a stand-up DUO, he was once a very conservative individual - but I do know this...he forever changed the way that I think about the language I use on a daily basis, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

His take on euphemisms, feminist ideology, politics, and the idiocy of humanity were also brilliant, as were his observations on everyday life. Among my favorite "Carlin-isms" are:

On feminist philosophy - "I happen to agree with most of the femist philosophy that I've read. I agree, for instance, that man kind ought to be human kind. And that chairman ought to be chairperson. But they take it too far. They take themselves too seriously. They want me to call that cover in the street a person-hole cover. I think that's taking it a little too far!"
On bad breath - "Anyone can have bad breath, Marge, but you could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon!"
On air travel - "They tell me to get on the airplane. I say 'Fuck You!' I'm getting IN the airplane!"
On socially awkward situations - "Have you ever been at a party...where you have to yell at the top of your lungs just to be heard by the person standing next to you. But then all of the sudden...everyone else seems to stop talking at the same time...and only YOUR voice can be heard? 'RIGHT! RIGHT! I KNOW...WELL, WHAT I'M GONNA' DO IS, I'M GONNA' HAVE MY TESTICLES LAMINATED!'"
On things you don't want to hear - "Honey? Remember how we told the children never to play on the railroad tracks?"
More things you don't want to hear - "I'M PREGNANT, YOU'RE THE FATHER, AND I'M GONNA' KILL ALL THREE OF US!"
On things you never see - "You never see a Rolls Royce with a bumper sticker that says 'Shit Happens.'"

And my personal favorite:

On things you never see - "I know things you don't see. There are lots of things you don't see. And you don't know you don't see 'em 'cause you don't see 'em. You've gotta' see something first to know you never saw it. Then you see it and say, 'Hey! I never saw that...' Too late...you just saw it!"

Rest in peace, George. You'll be missed!

Merging of the Blogs!

2008-06-23T17:23:00.001-04:00

So I've officially decided that having/maintaining (or NOT maintaining, as the case appears to be) two blogs is a royal pain in the rump.

Call me lazy. Call me shiftless. Call me a slacker...whatever. Following in the heroic footsteps of mega corporations everyone, I'm merging my rantings from BriDawgBlog with the good-natured slapstick comedy of my children here at Damn That Kid's Funny.

"What new features can we expect to see?" you ask? None, really. It's just that I sometimes have a hard time determining where to put particular posts, and I'm getting bored with it. That being said, welcome to the new, beefier, decidedly-unimproved Damn That Kid's Funny!

I hope you enjoy my rantings...have a nice day!

The Two-Handed Handshake

2008-06-23T17:06:00.000-04:00

Originally posted August 24, 2007...

So what the hell is the deal with the two-handed handshake? I've met two people in the past two days who have greeted me with this decidedly less-than-typical hand embrace, and I'm kind of wigged out by it. It's like they're trying to give my hands a hug or something!

Don't misunderstand, I'm all about greeting someone with a friendly handshake, but it seems a bit presumptuous to assume that my hand needs the extra coddling while we're meeting for the first time.

So the next time you see me running around, please greet me with either a manly high-five or the standard one-handed shake. Thanks...

Even Funnier!

2008-06-23T17:04:00.001-04:00

Originally posted August 1, 2007...

Holy crap! I just listened to the recording of Congressman Tancredo's "speech." This has got to be the funniest thing in the history of the world. It's funny enough that he chose a family restaurant with an audience of "more than 30" for his rantings, but the recording offers even more insight into the goings-on.

The recorder is either being held by or is located in close proximity to someone with a whopping case of emphysema. We are reminded of this fact by the perpetual stream of deep-chested coughs emanating from this particular listener throughout the recording. Not only that, but in the background you can clearly hear a waitress discussing menu options with one table, then dropping the check at another.

Seriously, people, this is what makes the internet the greatest tool of our generation!

There Are Simply No Words...

2008-06-23T17:03:00.000-04:00

Originally posted August 1, 2007...

So I just finished reading an online article that Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo, apparently a "candidate" for the GOP presidential nomination, has decided that in the event of a Muslim-inspired nuclear attack on the United States he would initiate an immediate counter-attack against key Muslim holy shrines such as Mecca and Medina.

First of all, this little bit of foreign policy is SO stolen from the vice president in the last season of "24," and it was quite the little bit of douchebaggery even in fiction. Second, and perhaps most hysterically, he gave this speech to "nearly 30 people Tuesday morning at the Family Table restaurant." !!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?

Was this actually a PLANNED speech? Who the hell hosts a political rally at what I can only assume is a buffet? I can see it now... "President Bush today hosted a $7.49 a plate fundraiser for Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia. Ringo's Old Town Buffet and Biat Shop played host to the no-tie, wifebeater optional event." Seriously...this guy is a flaming retard.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled porn surfing. Have a nice day!

Death by Pussy...Cat!

2008-06-23T17:01:00.000-04:00

Originally posted July 27, 2007...

So I'm sitting there minding my own business at lunch yesterday, and a story comes on CNN about this cat who "predicts" the death of folks confined to the old folks home where he lives. It turns out that this particular cat, Oscar, has a knack for knowing when the old folks are about to kick off. To showcase his talent, he'll sneak into a patient's room and lie down on their bed with them. According to doctors, this usually lets hospital staff know that they have about 4 hours to get that patient's things together, contact the next of kin and fire up the ol' crematorium. Weird, I know, but here's what I'm thinking...

The cat is actually KILLING the people! I know what you're thinking..."It's just a harmless little kitty! What harm could it possibly do?!?" Well, didn't you ever see Stephen King's "Cat's Eye" with the cat whose owners are constantly kicking off due to strange/unique circumstances? (Admittedly, one of those deaths is the result of a wacky little troll guy, but I digress...) How about "Pet Sematary," where Herman Munster helps his new neighbor bury and reincarnate a roadkill gato? And even in more recent times with Shrek II? Puss in Boots is a stone cold killer before Shrek and Donkey go extra-medieval on his ass!

So my final warning here is CAT OWNERS AND OLD FOLKS BEWARE!!! Oscar and his buddies are out there, and they've got a serious case of bloodlust!

Further Proof of My Nerddom...For Shame!

2008-06-23T17:00:00.002-04:00

Originally posted April 23, 2007...

I got all PO'd by a letter I received today saying something to the effect of "a myriad of something-or-other." Until recently, this has been a pet-peeve of mine as I'd heard that the word was originally intended to refer to an actual number: 10,000. With this bee in my bonnet, I looked it up on Webster's and found the following: I'm so ashamed!

Holy Crap! I'm a Tree Hugger!

2008-06-23T16:58:00.000-04:00

Originally posted March 1, 2007...

Holy crap indeed! Last week I was making my traditional early-morning oatmeal at the office, and one of the tree hugger-types came by and made a comment about my using a stryofoam cup to do it. I shot back a snide remark about probably using another cup later in the day to make my hot chocolate, and it hit me...I'm being an eco-asshole!

Now I realize that these days all of the Hollywood crazies are hyping eco-friendly cars like the (shudder) Prius, and that we're all pretty sick and tired of them preaching to us about protecting the environment, studying Kaballah, etc., since they don't really live in the real world. BUT...I'm starting to think they may have a point when it comes to protecting the environment and limiting the amount of crapola that we put back into the Earth. It hit me today as yet again I made my morning oatmeal in a styrofoam cup. I looked around the office and saw about a zillion other cups of the same type and realized that by next week they'd be rotting in some landfill and taking 300 years to decompose (or whatever they take these days). Now I feel like a douche because I can only imagine how many other cups just like this will be thrown away today alone, not to mention over the next 20 years. God almighty...by the time my kids have kids, they'll be playing "King of the Crap Heap" instead of "King of the Mountain."

I'm not sure how to do anything real about this, but I'm going to stop using these cups today...right after my hot chocolate...and start using real bowls and coffee cups. Wonder if I can convince anyone to join me on my little crusade...??

Hanakwanzamas Tree?

2008-06-23T16:55:00.002-04:00

Originally posted December 13, 2006...

So I was flipping through CNN.com today, and found a hilarious article by Lou Dobbs that made me reflect on my rantings of a year ago. Just for poops and giggles, I thought I'd copy his article for your enjoyment here, as well as re-post my holiday bitch-fest from last year for a few additional giggles (and their associated poops). Enjoy!

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Merry Christmas! That's right, Merry Christmas. Whether you're Christian, Jewish, Muslim, agnostic, pagan, barbarian or whatever, Merry Christmas! It's what most of us say in this country come this time of year. It's about who we are, where we are and where we've been. And all the namby-pamby, little sensitive darlings among us who can't handle this verbal assault on their delicate senses should immediately begin seeking emergency psychiatric care.

This week we were treated to the spectacle of an easily offended and highly offensive rabbi who walked into an airport, gazed upon Christmas trees all around him and suddenly was overwhelmed with an immense, and apparently irresistible, urge to sue the management of the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport because nowhere among all the Christmas trees was a single menorah. Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement of Seattle even delivered to the airport's management a draft of a lawsuit he would file if they didn't sprinkle menorahs around the Christmas trees.

Political correctness in this country reached an entirely new level of absurdity some years ago. But occasionally, and the situation at Sea-Tac is just such an occasion, we exceed ourselves. The militant fundamentalist rabbi so flummoxed Sea-Tac management with his threat and their perceived obligation to be "politically correct" that, rather than think rationally or simply tell him to stuff it, they started hacking away at all those artificial Christmas trees and quickly descended into a public relations nightmare in which they managed to offend reason, cultural values and the vast majority of Americans.

As CNN senior legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin told me, "The Supreme Court has held since 1984, the famous 'Reindeer Rule,' that if a symbol of Christmas is mostly secular, like a reindeer or a Christmas tree or Santa Claus, that is not a violation of the separation of church and state." The irony that escaped the rabid rabbi and the timid Sea-Tac management team is that the Christmas tree's likely origin dates back to pre-Christian pagan cultures. The Christmas tree is not by any means a religious symbol, and when we're honest about it, the tree's become a purely commercial symbol more closely associated with shopping, roasting chestnuts and guzzling eggnog than a nativity scene with baby Jesus.

And hang on, Christians, because you're in 21st Century America, and our culture celebrates your holiest day of the year with such insensitive gusto that our economy would suffer a serious setback if your religious sensibilities were as easily offended as those of the litigious rabbi. More than 140 million shoppers spent an average of about $360 on Black Friday alone, the day after Thanksgiving and the unofficial kickoff to the Christmas shopping season, according to the National Retail Federation. And all those Christmas shoppers are expected to spend nearly a half-trillion dollars this shopping season.

Now if I were a fundamentalist Christian, that might strike me as a little politically incorrect. And I think all of you folks should think about suing somebody. You know, get in the spirit of the season.

This mindless movement of political correctness at all costs is one of the most un-American and crazy twists in our culture as anything we've witnessed. Remember, we're Americans, and we have freedom of speech, that whole life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness thing. Or at least we did.

And I hope you'll celebrate the Christmas season by offending someone. If you're Jewish, how about a hearty "Happy Hanukkah" to a good Christian? If they're offended you've revealed a fool, not such a good Christian and someone you shouldn't waste your expression of good will upon. But get ready for a few robust "Merry Christmas" calls to be thrown your way as well. The operators of the Seattle-Tacoma airport quickly righted a potentially dreadful wrong. The rabbi decided not to file a suit, Christmas trees have sprung back up throughout the concourse, and no, not a single menorah has been spotted. I can only hope this is the beginning of a major movement in America, one that regards thinking as paramount to phony feelings and heightened self-centered sensitivities. Common sense and judgment should always reign supreme over political correctness, no matter what the current trend.

And, my gosh, even Wal-Mart this year has abandoned its generic, politically correct "Happy Holidays" greeting in favor of "Merry Christmas." I'm starting to think this may be the season to be jolly after all. Ho, ho, ho. To all, a Merry Christmas. OK, and a Happy Hanukkah, too.

And here's mine...
Welcome to holiday season, 2005! It's time once again for the annual "What do I call my tree?" festival! All over the news this season you're bound to see stories about government buildings and their employees' quagmire...Are they holiday trees? Christmas trees? Happy Hanakwanzamas trees? Non-denominational festival of pine-scented artificial trees trees?Isn't it about time that we started calling them what they are? These are CHRISTMAS TREES ladies and gentlemen! Now I know what you're going to say..."But there are millions of people in America who don't celebrate Christmas, aren't Christian, or just flat don't believe that the government should force the holiday down their throats!" I say, BULLSHIT! While I'm certainly sympathetic to the fact that not everyone celebrates Christmas, the simple fact is that there are a lot of people who DO! The fact that not everyone celebrates the season is no reason to keep ANYONE from celebrating it. That's like saying I can't have cake on my birthday because you feel left out that it's not YOUR birthday!But wait...what about that whole pesky "separation of Church and State" issue? Pretty simple, really. The founding fathers created the separation of Church and State in an effort to snuff out any attempts to create a theocratic government. I'm fairly certain, however, that they did NOT intend to snuff out any and all religious leanings within the people running the show! Plainly put, the lighting of a Christmas tree at city hall is NOT a precursor to some sort of overthrow of the government by God's footsoldiers. It's simply a pleasant reminder that there are in fact people who celebrate Christmas. Time to let go of the anger here, people. Please feel free to celebrate whatever holiday you celebrate when it's time. If you want the government buildings in your area to plant a giant chick pea plant in celebration of Garbonzo Bean Awareness Month or something, it's your responsibility to bring that idea up. The trees are there because the constituency made their voices heard and elected individuals who believe in the Christmas holiday. It's that simple.Have a nice day...

Dirty Little Monkeys

2008-06-23T16:51:00.003-04:00

Originally posted March 30, 2006...

So a buddy of mine recently hooked me up with a sitemeter for this blog so I could find out if anyone actually cared. As it turns out, at least 28 people have cared in the past week.

Very cool...until I found out what it was that drove a majority of them to my site. In the past, I have blogged about Pee Holes and The Shocker. While I was familiar with why The Shocker might cause some interest, I was a little confused by the Pee Hole constituency.

I couldn't understand why so many people were interested in what I considered to be a very benign topic...until I Googled "pee holes." HOLY SHIT! I couldn't believe some of the things I was reading, let alone the pictures that came along with them! The first link that popped up was for someone's "pee hole stretching story," and how they'd come to love the act of stretching out a considerably sensitive area.

Now, I consider myself pretty open-minded, but seriously people...you are REALLY whacked out if you're into this kind of stuff! What is it exactly that drives people to:

Even think about how to achieve this kind of activity
Not think to themselves...that would be pretty F-ed up
Do it anyway
Write about it and post it on the WORLD WIDE WEB?!?

Freedom of speech is not dead, ladies and gentlemen, and there's someone out there with a stretched out johnson to prove it!

Was That You?

2008-06-23T16:50:00.001-04:00

Originally posted March 15, 2006...

So here's a thought that I had the other day while taking a whiz... There's another guy in there at the same time, and he's taking a massive dump, the size of which would make an elephant proud. The stench is burning my nose hairs, and the first thing that comes to mind is...I've gotta' get the hell out of here!

The second thing that crosses my mind is this...what would have happened if he'd finished his crapola and left before I had the chance to finish my whiz? I pictured myself walking out of the bathroom at the same time someone else was walking in, and facing the awkward moment where the stench hits them full in the face while they try to put a face to the stink.

Is he really going to believe that it WASN'T me? There's no way to convince him otherwise, so I figure I'm pretty much screwed. 'Course, it could be an awful lot of fun to take credit for the ass-stank, too. Guess it just depends where you work.

Either way, I always wondered what the appropriate protocol is for something like that. Do you ignore it like an awkward moment at a party, or do you stand tall and proclaim, "DAMN! Ol' Steve sure lit one up in there, didn't he? Stinky bastard!"? Think I'll test that one out sometime and see how it goes...

Previously Enjoyed

2008-06-23T16:49:00.000-04:00

Originally posted February 23, 2006...

I heard an absolutely hysterical ad this morning, and felt compelled to share it. The ad was for a car dealership offering great deals on "previously enjoyed" cars.

I'm officially calling bullshit here. I mean, exactly how many different ways can we call something "used" and still get away with it. Calling a car used means that it is exactly that...a vehicle that someone else has used in the past to get from point A to point B. What/whom else they did in the car is really secondary to the vehicle's ability to maintain is functional use. What exactly was the previous owner enjoying while driving this car? Cheeseburgers? Littering? Road head? Who knows?

Since it's simply a method of conveyance, a car really does not deserve the "enjoyed" moniker. But it does beg the question...what does deserve the title? Leftover pizza? Movies purchased from the rental store? Hookers? I can hear it now... "Billionaire heiress Paris Hilton today received a much needed revirginization of her previously enjoyed beav."

Maybe I'm just reading too much into this and getting a bit off topic, but seriously...let's just called Paris Hilton what she is...used up!

One Size Fits...Most?

2008-06-23T16:47:00.002-04:00

Originally posted January 30, 2006...

I discovered an interesting label on a hat today, and felt compelled to write something about it. The label in question read, "One Size Fits Most." This struck me as odd, as I recalled the good old days of "one size fits all." But it begged the question...when exactly did we lose the "all" part of the equation? I read recently that somewhere near 50% of the US populace is officially considered overweight, but all that means is that being overweight is now considered average. Congratulations if you're trying to be "average," Mr. Fat Man...you've made it! But I digress...

The point I'm getting at is that there are freaks amongst us whose noggins simply will not fit a traditionally-sized hat. Which begs another question...where does someone like this find appropriate headgear? Are there stores out there who, in the tradition of big and tall fashionistas, cater to the melon-headed? If so, what are they called, and where do we find them? Texas has always been a bastion of large-scale people, products, etc., so I'm assuming such a store would exist there. Where else could we get the notion of the 10-gallon hat?

Maybe I'm just rambling here, but there's an image I can't get out of my head after reading that label...South Park's Mr. Mackey (mmmkay?). King of the larger than life cranium, this guy would DEFINITELY benefit from the Texas-sized hat emporium (King Cranium's? Hydrocephalics 'R' Us? Big Head Todd & The Monsters?)!

Just realized that I've made absolutely no sense here, so I'll close for now. Thanks for reading...